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Cx LEANINGS
FOR THE CURIOUS
FROM THE
Harvest-Fields of Literature.
A MELANGE OF EXCERPTA,
COLLATKIi I'.Y
C. C. BOMBAUGH, A.M., M.D.
" So she gleaned in the Held until even, ami beat out that :-he had gleaned : and it was about an epliah "(' barley." Rl ill '2 : 17.
•• I have here made a nosegay of culled (lowers, and have brought nothing of my own but the string that ties them."— Montaignb.
PHILADELPHIA:
J. B. LIPPINCOTT COMPANY.
1890.
BBRHH
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MMMBHMnmnnDHHn
iiuujiMMMJHiiyuuMUUiiaiyuywMH
*
yi
GLEANINGS
FOR THE CURIOUS
PROM THE
Harvest-Fields of Literature.
A MELANGE OF EXCERPTA,
COLLATED 1?Y
C. C. BOMBAUGH, A.M., M.D.
" So she gleaned in the field until even, and boat out that she had gleaned : and it w;is about an ephah of bailey." — Ruth 2 : 17.
" I have here made a nosegay of cullod flowers, and have brought nothing of my own but the string that ties them." — Montaiqnh.
^
PHILADELPHIA:
J. B. LTPPINCOTT COMPANY.
1890.
Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1874, by
A. D. WOKTHINGTON & CO. in the Office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington.
iPretatorg.
I am not ignorant, ne unsure, tfjat mans tfjcce are, oefore tofjose stgf)t tf)is ISoofc sfjall ftnoc small grace, anti lesse fabour. So tjarto a tfjing it is to torite or incite ang matter, tofjatsoeber it fie, tljat sfjoulfi fie afile to sustaine anb afitbe tfje bariafile judgement, ano to ofitaine or toinne tfje constant lobe an* allowance of eberg man, especially if it containe in it ang nobeltg or tmtoontefi strangenesse. — Raynald's Woman's Book.
Bid him welcome. This is the motley-minded gentleman.
As You Like It.
A fountain set round with a rim of old, mossy stones, and
paved in its bed with a sort of mosaic work of variously-colored pebbles. House of Seven Gables.
A gatherer and a disposer of other men's stuff.
Wotton.
A running banquet that hath much variety, but little of a sort.
Butler.
They have been at a great feast of languages, and stolen the scraps. Love's Labor Lost.
There's no want of meat, sir ; portly and curious viands are prepared to please all kinds of appetites. Massinger
A dinner of fragments is said often to be the best dinner. So are there few minds but might furnish some instruction and en- tertainment out of their scraps, their odds and ends of thought. They who cannot weave a uniform web may at least produce a piece of patchwork ; which may be useful and not without a charm of its own. Guesses at Truth.
It is a regular omnibus ; there is something in it to every- body's taste. Those who like fat can have it ; so can they who like lean; as well as those who prefer sugar, and those who
choose pepper. ,„ t,
Mysteries of Paris.
Read, and fear not thine own understanding: this book will create a clear one in thee ; and when thou hast considered thy purchase, thou wilt call the price of it a charity to thyself.
Shirley.
In winter you may reade them ad ignem, by the fireside, and in summer ad umbram, under some shadie tree ; and therewith passe away the tedious howres. 0
Saltonstall.
INTRODUCTION.
An earlier edition of Gleanings having attracted the hearty appro- val of a limited circle of that class of readers who prefer "a running banquet that hath much variety, but little of a sort," the present pub- lisher requested the preparation of an enlargement of the work. In the augmented form in which it is now offered to the public, the con- tents will be found so much more comprehensive and omnifarious that, while it has been nearly doubled in size, it has been more than doubled in literary value.
Miscellanea of the omnium-gatherum sort appear to be as accep- table to-day as they undoubtedly were in the youthful period of our literature, though for an opposite reason. When books were scarce, and costly, and inaccessible, anxious readers found in "scripscrap- ologia" multifarious sources of instruction ; now that books are like the stars for multitude, the reader who is appalled by their endless succession and variety is fain to receive with thankfulness the cream that is skimmed and the grain that is sifted by patient hands for his use. Our ancestors were regaled with such olla-podrida as " The Galimaufry : a Kickshaw [Fr. quelque cfwse] Treat which comprehends odd bits and scraps, and odds and ends ;" or " The Wit's Miscellany : odd and uncommon epigrams, facetious drolleries, whimsical mottoes, merry tales, and fables, for the entertainment and diversion of good company." To the present generation is accorded a wider field for excursion, from the Curiosities of Disraeli, and the Commonplaces of Southey, to the less ambitious collections of less learned collaborators.
" Into a hotch-potch," says Sir Edward Coke, " is commonly put not one thing alone, but one thing with other things together." The present volume is an expedient for grouping together a variety which will be found in no other compilation. From the nonsense of literary trifling to the highest expression of intellectual force; from the anachronisms of art to the grandest revelations of science; from selections for the child to extracts for the philosopher, it will accom- modate the widest diversity of taste, and furnish entertainment for all ages, sexes, and conditions. As a pastime for the leisure half-hour, at
1* v
\l INTRODUCTION.
home or abroad ; as a companion by the fireside, or the seaside, amid the hum of the city, or in the solitude of rural life; as a means of re- laxation for the mind jaded by business activities, it may be safely commended to acceptance.
The aim of this collation is not to be exhaustive, but simply to be well compacted. The restrictive limits of an octavo require the winnowings of selection in place of the bulk of expansion. Gar- gantua, we are told by Rabelais, wrote to his son Pantagruel, commanding him to learn Greek, Latin, Chaldaic, and Arabic; all history, geometry, arithmetic, music, astronomy, natural philosophy, etc., " so that there be not a river in the world thou dost not know the name and nature of all itr fishes ; all the fowls of the air ; all the several kinds of shrubs and herbs ; all the metals hid in the bowels of the earth, all gems and precious stones. I would furthermore have thee study the Talmudists and Cabalists, and get a perfect knowledge of man. In brief, I would have thee a bottomless pit of all knowl- edge." While.this book does not aspire to such Gargantuan compre- hev.siveness, it seeks a higher grade of merit than that which attaches to those who "chronicle small beer," or to him who is merely "a snapper-up of unconsidered trifles."
Quaint old Burton, in describing the travels of Paulus Emilius, says, "He took great content, exceeding delight in that his voyage, as who doth not that shall attempt the like? For peregrination charms our senses with such unspeakable and sweet variety, that some count him unhappy that never traveled, a kind of prisoner, and pity his case that from his cradle to his old age beholds the same still ; still, still, the same, the same." It is the purpose of these Gleanings to compass such "sweet variety" by conducting the reader here, through the green lanes of freshened thought, and there, through by-paths neglected and gray with the moss of ages; now, amid cultivated fields, and then, adown untrodden ways; at one time, to rescue from oblivion fugitive thoughts which the world should not "willingly let die," at another, to restore to sunlight gems which have been too long " underkept and down supprest." The compiler asks the tourist to accompany him, because with him, as with Montaigne and Hans Andersen, there is no pleasure without communication, and though all men may find in these Collectanea some things which they will recognize as old acquaintances, yet will they find many more with which they are unfamiliar, and to which their attention has never been awakened.
©onienl**
The Freaks and Follies of Literature— Account of certain Singular Books— What are Pangrammata f—The Banished Letters— Eve' 's Legend— Alpha- betical Advertisement— The Three Initials— A Jacobite Toast— ■" The Begin- ning of Eternity"— The Poor Letter H—The Letters of the World— Traps for the Cockneys— Ingenious Verses on the Vowels— Alliterative Verses— "A Bevy of Belles"— Antithetical Sermon— Acrostics— Double, Triple, and Re- versed Acrostics— Beautiful and Singular Instances— T he Poets in Verse- On Benedict Arnold— Curious Pasquinade— Monastic Verses— The Figure of the Fish— Acrostic on Napoleon— Madame Rachael— Masonic Memento— " Hempe" '— " Brevity of Human Life" — Acrostic Valentine— Anagrams- German, Latin, and English Instances— Chronograms 25
|)alinbnmus.
Beading in every Style— What is a Palindrome ?— What St. Mar-tin said to the Devil— The Lawyer's Motto— What Adam said to Eve— The Poor Young Man in Love— What Dean Swift wrote to Dr. Sheridan—" The Witch's Prayer"— The Device of a Lady— Huguenot and Romanist; Double Dealing.
59
dSqmboque.
A Very Deceitful Epistle— A Wicked Love Letter— Wliat a Young Wife wrote to her Friend— The Jesuit's Creed — Revolutionary Verses— Double Deal- ings—A Fatal Mime— The Triple Platform— A Bishop's Evasion— The " Toast" given by a Smart Young Man— "T lie Handwriting on the Wall" — French Actresses— How Mdlle. Mars told her Age — A Lenient Judge— What
Mdlle. Cico whispered to " the Bench." &4
yii
Vlii CONTENTS.
"A Cloak of Patches'1''— How Centos are made— Mosaic Poetry— The Poets in a Mixed State— New Version of Old Lines— Cento on Life— A Cento from thirty-eight Authors— Cento from Pope— Biblical Sentiments— The Return of Israel— Religious Centos 73
"A Treatise on Wine" — Monkish Opinions — Which Tree is Best f— A Lover tvith Nine Tongues— Horace in a New Dress— What was Written on a Fly-Leaf— ■" The Cat and the Rats "—An Advertisement in Five Lan- guages—Parting Address to a Friend—1" Oh, the Rhine! "—The Death of the Sea Serpent 78
dljaitt Wtttt.
Lasphrise's Novelties— Singular Ode to Death— On "The Truth"— "Long I looked into the Sky"— A Ringing Song— A Gem of Three Centuries Old 85
$3 oafs Itfnus.
The Skeletons of Poetry— How the Poet Dvlot lost all his Ideas— The Flight of three hundred Sonnets— The "Nettle" Rhymes— How a Young Lady teased her Beau— Assisting a Poet— Miss Lydia's Acrostic— Alfred De MusseVs Lines— What the Due de Malakof wrote— Reversed Rhymes— How to make " Rhopalic " verses!— What they are 88
€mbkmaltc ^ojetrg.
Poetry in Visible Shape— The Bow and Arrow of Love— The Deceitful Glass- Prudent Advice— A Very Singular Dirge— Poetry among the Monks— Sacred Symbols— A Hymn in Cruciform Shape— Ancient Devices— Verses within the Cross— Cypher-" TJ 0 a 0, but I 0 U"— Perplexing Printer's Puzzle— An Oxford Joke-The Puzzle of " The Precepts Ten"— A Mysterious Letter to
to Miss K. T. J.
92
CONTENTS. ix
PonosgHabUs.
The Power of Little Words— How Pope Ridiculed them— The "Universal Prayer" —Example of Dr. Watts— Wesley's Hymns— Writings of Shake- speare and Milton— ■" Address to the Daffodils"— Geo. Herbert's Poems- Testimony of Keble, Young, Landor, and Fletcher— Examples from Bailey's " Festus"—The Short Words of Scripture— Big and Little Words Com- pared 98
Clje $)ible.
Who wrote the Scriptures— Why— And When— Accuracy of the Bible— The Testimony of Modem Discoveries— Scope and Depth of Scripture Teaching— What Learned Men have written of the Bible— Testimony of Rousseau, Wil- berforce, Bolingbroke, Sir Wm. Jones, Webster, John Quincy Adams, Addi- son, Byron, &c.— Who Translated the Bible— Wicklif's Version— Tyndale's Translation— Matthew's Bible— Cranmer's Edition— The Geneva Bible— The Breeches Bible— The Bishop's Bible— Parker' s Bible— The Douay Bible- King James's Bible— The Number of Books, Chapters, Verses, Words, and Letters in the Old and New Testaments— The Bible Dissected— An Extra- ordinary Caladalion— Distinctions between the Gospels — The Lost Books — What the icord " Selah" means — The Poef?y of the Bible— Shakespeare's Knowledge of Sc?iplure— The " True Gentleman " of the Bible— Misquota- tions from Scripture— A Scriptural " Bidl" — Wit and Humor in the Bible— Sortes Sacra— Casting Lots with the Bible 103
%\z $fenu of 6ob.
How God is known— His Name in all the tongues of Earth— Ancient Saxon Ideas of Deity— ■" Elohim" and "Jehovah" — The "Lord" of the Ancient Jeivs—" God in Shakesj>eare" — The Fatherhood of God— The Parsee, Jew, and Christian 127
The Name of Jesus— What does I. H. S. Mean?—De Nomine Jesu— What St. Bernardine did—" The Flower of Jesse" — Story of the Infant Jesus — Ancient Legends of Christ — Persian Story ; The Dead Dog — Description of Clirist's Person— The Death Warrant of Christ — The Sign of the Cross in Ancient America 130
X CONTENTS.
Sfje ^orb's frager.
Thy and Us— The "Spirit" of the Lord's Prayer— Gothic Version of the Fourth Century— Metrical Versions— Set to Music— The Prayer Illustrated— Acrostical Paraphrase— What the Bible Commentators Said— The Prayer Echoed— A Singular Acrostic 136
€tdt$in$titK.
Anecdotes of Clergy— Excessive Civility— A Very Polite Preacher— Dean Swiff 8 sliort Sermon— •" Down wi'h the Dust"— An Abbreviated Sermon— Dr. DodcTs Sermon on Malt— Bombastic Style of Bascom—The Preachers of Cromwell* 8 time— When a man ought to Cough!— Origin of Texts— How the Ancient Prophets Preached— Clerical Blunders— Proving an Alibi— Whitefteld and the Sailors— Protestant Excommunication— The Tender Mercies of John Knox 143
puritan ^ttoliaritics.
The Puritan Maiden " Tribby"—A Jury-List of 1658— An Extraordinary List of Names— Singular Similes— Early Punishments in Massachusetts— Vir- ginia Penalties in the Olden Timer-Primitive Fines for Curious Crimes — Staying away from Church— The "Blue Laws" of Connecticut— Hard Punishments for Little Faults 150
paronomasia.
The Art of Pun-making— What is Wit?— Puns Among the Hebrews — A Pun- gent Chapter— Punning Examples— The Short Boad to Wealth — A "Man of Greece"— Witty Impromptus of Sydney Smith— Startling toast of Harry Erskine—" Top and Bottom"— The Imp of Darkness and the Imp o' Light— A Pinter's Epitaph— The "whacks" and the " slick "— " Wo-man " and " Whim-men"— Faithless Sally Brown— Whiskers versus Razors— Pleasure and Payne— Plaint of the old Pauper— To my Nose— Bad " acconntants " but excellent "book-keepers"— The Vegetable Girl— On an Old Horse- Grand Scheme of Education—" The Perilous Practice of Punning"— "Tu Portu Salus"— On a Youth who was killed by Fruit— The Appeal of Widow-Hood— Swiff s Latin Puns— Puns in Macbeth— Classical Puns and Mottoes— Mottoes of the English Peerage— Jeus-de-Mots— How ScJwlt Will- ing—A CataUctic Monody- Bees of the Bible— Franklin's " Be' s"— Funny " Miss-Nomers "— Crooked Coincidences— A Court FooVs Pun 155
CONTENTS. Xi
©trglisji lEorbs artb Jorms of degression:.
Dictionary English— Number of words in the English Language— Language of of the Bible— Sources of the Language— Helping a Foreigner— Difficulties of the Language— Disraelian English— Why use " Ye" f—Its, His, and Her— How often " That " may be used— How many sounds are given to "ough "— A Literary Squabble— Concerning certain Wwds— Excise, Pontiff, Rough— Dr. Johnson in Trouble— Americanisms— " No Love Lost"— The Forlorn Hope— Quiz— Tennyson's English— Eccentric Etymologies— Words which have changed their Meaning— Strange Derivations— Influence of Names- Big Words and Long Natnes 182
(Tall SBrithrg.
The Domicile erected by John— New Version of an Old Story — Curiosities of Advertising— Mr. Connors and his big Words— Curiosities of the Post Office— Singular Play Bill— Andrew Borde, his Book— The Mad Poet— Footers Funny Farrago— Burlesque of Dr. Johnson— Newspaper Eulogy— " Clear as Mud" — An Indignant Letter^-A Chemical Valentine— The Surgeon to his Lady-love — The Lawyers Ode to Spiing— Proverbs for Pre- cocious Pujrils 212
fflidnr |3ros.e.
Unconscious Poetizing— Cowper's Rhyming Letter to Newton— Poetic Prose in Irving 's Knickerbocker— Example from Disraeli's " Alray" — Unintentional Rhythm in Charles Dickens'1 works— Old Curiosity Shop and Nicholas Nickleby— American Notes— Versification in Scripture— Rhymes from Cele- brated Prosers— Curious Instance of Abraham Lincoln— Opinion of Dr. Johnson— Examples from Kemble and Siddons 223
Qfyt ljumors of Jfcrsificaiicn.
The Story of the lowers— Mingled Moods and Tenses— The Stammering Wife— A Song with Variations—' " While She Rocks the Cradle" — A Serio- Comic Elegy — Reminiscence of Troy— Concerning Vegetarianism — W. C. Bryant as a Humorist — Address " To a Mosquito" — The " Poet " of the" Atlantic " —Bryants Travesty— A Rare Pipe— The Human Eai — A Lesson in Acous- tics—Amusing Burlesque of Tennyson— Sir Tray ; an Arthurian Idyl- All About the " Ologies"—The Variation Humbug— Buggins and the Busy Bee— Comical Singing in Church— The Curse of 0" Kelly 238
Xii CONTENTS.
Pibwniana.
Irish Bulls and Blunders— Miss Edgeworth on the " Bull"— Comical Letter of an Irish " M. P."— Bulls in Mississippi— American Bulls— The New Jail— A Frenchman's Blunder— The " Puir Silly Body" who wrote a Book— The "bulls" of Classical Writers— Bulls from every Quarter and of all kinds.
252
Slips of the Press— The Bishop Accused of Swearing— The Damp Old Church— From a French Newspaper— T lie Pig-killing Machine and the Doctor — Slips of the Telegraph— Simmons and the Cranberries— Finishing his Education— The Poets in a Quandary — Blunders of Translators — Bather Gigantic Grasshoppers — " Love's last Shift " — Amusing Blunder of Voltaire —"A Fortune Cutting Meat"— A New " Translation" of Hamlet— The Frenchman and the Welsh Rabbit 259
Misquotations.
Curious Misquotations of Well-known Authors— Example of Collins— Sir Walter Scott in Error — Blunder of Sir Archibald Alison — Cruikshank as the Heal " Simon Pure "—Judge Best's " Great Mind "—Byron's Little Mistake . 266
fabrications.
The Description of Christ's Person a Fabrication— •" Detector's" Charge against Scott— The "Ministering Angel" not a Fabrication— The Moon Hoax— A Literary " SeW'—Carlyle's Worshipers Outwitted— Mrs. Hemans' Forg- eries—Sheridan's " Greek"— Spurious Ballads— The Simple Ballad Trick — A Hoax upon Scott— Psalmanazar's Celebrated Fabrications— Benjamin Franklin's Parable— The Forgeries of Ireland— Imitations of Shakespeare.
269
$ntmnnieb ^ententes.
The Judge and the Criminal— ■" Free from Guile"— Poor Mary " Confined"— Erskine's " Subscription"— A Satisfactory Note— " Little Ilel"— Going to War— The Poet Assisted; the Sun and the Fishes— Giving him the "lie"— De Quincey and the Fiend— Wit in the House of Commons 277
CONTENTS,
Ancient Echo Verses— Address to Queen Elizabeth— London before the Restora- tion—Echo Song by Addison— A Dutch Pasquinade— The Gospel Echo- Echo and the Lover— Dean Swift's verses on Women— Buonaparte and the Echo— Fatal Verses— Why Palm, the Publisher, was shot— Remarkable Echoes— A Fatal Confession— Extraordinary facts in Acoustics— Hearing Afar Off 281
!»§§Im.
Puzzles defended : their use and value— Exercise for the Mind — Ancient Per- plexities—■" The Liar "—"Puzzled to Death"— A French rebus— Napoleon Buonaparte's Cypher— A Queer-looking Proclamation— A cut ious Puzzle for the Lawyers— Sir Isaac Newton's Riddle— Cowper's Riddle— Canning' s Riddle— A Prize Enigma— Quincy' s Comparison — Peiplexing Intermarriages —Prophetic Distich— The ■' Number of the Beast"— Galileo's Logograph— Persian Riddles— The Chinese Tea Song— Death and Life— The Rebus— What is it ?— The Book of Riddles— Bishop Wilberforce's Riddle— Curiosi- ties of Cipher— Secret Writing— Remarkable Cryptographs 290
%\t gcasoti Hljn.
Why Germans Eat Sauer-Kraut— Why Pennsylvania was Settled— Whence the Huguenots derived their name— How Monarchs Die— Origin of the name of Boston— Concerning Weathercocks— Cutting off with a Shilling— Why Car- dinals hats are red— The Roast Beef of England— A Sensible Quack— Who was the first Gentleman— Solution of a Juggler's Mystery 310
fe%r«sb0m.
Sheridan's Rhyming Calendar— Sir Humphrey Davy's Weather Omens— Jenner's "Signs of the Weather"—" The Shepherd's Calendar"— Predic- tions from Birds, Beasts, and Insects— Circles round the Sun and Moon- Quaint Old-time Prophecies— The Evil Days of every Month 317
0. £, anb $t S.
Tne Julian and the Gregorian Calendars— Hmv Ccesar arranged the Calendar— The Julian Tear— Going faster than the Sun— Pope Gregory's Efforts- Origin of the New Style— " Poor Job's Almanac"— The Loss of Eleven Days— How the matter was Explained 325
XIV CONTENTS.
Ptmoria fetlmica.
The Books of the Old Testament— The Books of the New— Versified helps to Memory— Names of Shakespeare's Plays— List of English Sovereigns- Names of the Presidents— The Decalogue in verse— Short Metrical Gram- mar—Number of days in each Month— How Quakers Remember 327
Origin of firings (familiar.
Mind your P'sand Q's—All FooVs Day— The First Playing Cards— "Sub ft0sa »_" Over- tlie Left "— " .Kicking the Bucket "—The Bumper— A Royal Saying— Story of Joe Dun, the Bailiff— The First Humbug— Pasquinade— Tlte First Bottled Ale— The Gardener and the Potatoes— Tarring and Feathering— The Stockings of Former Time— The Order of the Garter- Drinking Healths— A Feather in his Cap— The Word "Book'"— Nine Tail- ors and One Man—" Viz "—Signature of the Cross— Tlie Turkish Crescent— The Post-jraid Envelopes of the Yith Century— Who first sang the "Old Hundredth?" WJw wrote the "Marseillaise Hymn?"— Thrilling Story of the French Revolution — The Origin of " Yankee Doodle" — Story of Lucy Lockett and Kitty Fisher— How Dutchmen sing " Yankee Doodle" — How the American Flag was chosen— Who ivas Brother Jonathan ? What is known of " Uncle Sam! "—The Dollar Mark [$] : what does it mean ?— Bows and Arrows in the Olden Time— All about Guns— The first Insurance Company— The Banks of three Centuries ago— The Invention of Bells— Who first said " Boo.'"— Who made the fir d Clock— The Watches of the Olden Time— AU about the Invention of Printing— The first Cockfights- Meaning of the word " Turncoat"— Who invented Lucifer Matches?— When was the Flag of England first unfurled— Why are Literary ladies catted "Blue Stockings ?"— Origin of the word " Skedaddle"— How Fools- cap Paper got its name— The First Foi-ged Bank-Note— Who made the first Piano Forte?"— The first Doctors— The first Thanksgiving Proclamation- First Prayer in Congress— The first Reporters— Origin of the word "News" —The Earliest Newspapers— Who sent the first Telegraphic Message.... 331
IMbmg ftfo ftlnbcr % Sun.
First idea of the Magnetic Telegraph— Telegraph before Morse— Telegraph a Century Ago— Who made the first Steam Engine?— What Marian de rOrme saw in the Mad-house— What the Mqrquis of Worcester Did— Richelieu's Mistake-Wonderful Invention of James Watt-T he first Ocean
CONTENTS. XV
Steamer— Fulton and the Steam Engine— The first Balloon Ascension— What Franklin said about the Baby— An Inventor's Mistake— Discovery of the Cir- culation of the Blood— Whatis "Anaesthesia?"— How the First Anodyneswere made— How Adam 's "Bib" was taken from him— All about the Boomerang— Who Discovered the Centre of Gravity ?— The first Rifle— Table-moving and Spirit-rapping in Ancient Times— What is " Auscultation?"— The Stereoscope— Ancient Prediction of the Discovery of Ameri ca 375
Criumpljs of $irgcmritg.
How the Planet Neptune was Discovered— Le Verrier's Wonderful Calculation— The Sto?y of a poor Physician— An Astronomer at Home— How Lescarbaull became Famous— The Discovery of the Planet Vulcan— Ingenious Strategem of Columbus— How an Eclipse ivas made Useful— Story of King John and the Abbot— A Picture of the Olden Time— Clever Eeply to Three Puzzling Questions— The Fatlier Abbot in a Fix 395
%\t Jfanchs of Jmi.
The Wounds of Julius Ccesar—Soyne Curious Old Bills— ■" Mending the Ten Com- mandments"—Screwing a Horn on the Devil— Glueing- a bit on his Tail— Repairing the Virgin Mary before and behind— Making a New Child— Why Bishops and Parsons have no Souls— The Story of a Curious Conversion- Singular Prayer of Lord Ashley— A Moonshine Story of Sir Waller Scott- Do Lawyers tell the Truth?— Patrick Henry's Little Chapel— The True Form of the Cross— How Poets and Painters have led us astray— Curious Coincidences— How a Bird was Shot with a Stick— How a Musket-shot in the Lungs saved a Man's life— Mysterious Tin Box found in a Shark's Stomach— A Curious Card Trick— Which icas the right Elizabeth Smith?— How Mrs. Stephens's Patients ivere Cured— How a GirVs Good Memory Caught a Thief — Choosing a Motto for a Sun-dial— Strange Story of a Murdered Man— The Chick in the Egg— Innate Appetite— The Indian and the Tame Snake— Why do Alligators Swallow Stones?— Curious Anecdote about Sheep— Celebrated Journeys on Horseback— A Horse that went to top of St. Peters' at Rome— A Wonderful Lock— Wonders of Manufacturing— How Iron can be made More Precious than Gold— The Spaniard and his Emeralds— How a Cat was sold for Six Hundred Dollars— Another Cat sold for a Pound of Gold— The amoun t of Gold in the World— Amount of Treasure collected by David— How much Gold was found in California— What was brought from Australia— The Wealth of Ancient Romans— Wine at Two Million dollars a Bottle, or $272 per drop— Who is permitted to drink it— Monster Beer Casks, and who made
XVi CONTENTS.
them- Gigantic Wine-tuns at Heidelberg and Konigstein—A Beer-vat in tohich Two Hundred People Dined -Difference between the English Poets- Perils of Precocity— Children who were too Knowing— What became of 146 Englishmen who ivere confined in the Black Hole— How the Finns make Barometers of Stone— Singular Bitterness of Strichnia— Something about Salt — Curious Change of Taste— The Children of Israel armed ivith Guns- Simeon with a pair of " Specs " —Eve in a handsome Ftounced Dress -St. Peter and the Tobacco Pipe— Abraham shooting Isaac icith a Blunderbuss— The Marriage of Christ with St. Catherine— Cigar-lighters at the Last Supper -Shooting Ducks with a Gun in the Garden of Eden— Wonderful Specimens of Minute Mechanicm— Homer in a Nutshell— The Bible in a Walnut— Squaring the Circle— Mathematical Prodigies— Story of a Wonder- ful Boy-Babbage's Calculating Machine— Extraordinary Feats of Memory— A Bishop's Heroism— Silent Compliment 406
&lje Janties of Jfati.-coNTiNUED.
The Exact Dimensions of Heaven— The cost of Solomon" s Temple— The Mystic Numbers " Seven " and " Three"— Curious power of Number Nine— Size of Noah's Ark and the Great Eastern— About Colors: their Immense Variety— Vast Aerolites, and what they are— Fate of America's Discoverers— Facts about the Presidents— Value of Queen Victoria'' '$ Jewels— An Army of Women— The Star in the East— Benjamin Franklin's Court Dress— Extraor- dinary instances of Longevity— Do Americans live long?— A man who lived more than 200 years—" Quack-quack"'1 and " Bow-wow "—A Marriage Vow of the Olden Time—" Buxum in Bedde and at the Boi'de "— What came in a dream to Her schel— Singular Facts about Sleep— Curious Chinese Torture— Do Fishes ever Sleep f— How a Bird Grasps his Perch when Asleep— How to gain Seven Years arid a half of Life— Effects of Opium and Indian Hemp— Confes- sion of an English Opium- Eater— Strange Effects of Fear— The Thief and the Feathers— The Poisoned Coachman— How a Man Died of Nothing— What Chas. Bell did to the Monkey— A Man ivith Two Faces— Thrilling Story of a " Broken heart "—NoCornfort in being Beheaded— A Man who Siwke after his Hi ad was cut off— A Man who Lived after Sensation was Destroyed— Comical Antipathies— Afraid of Boiled Lobsters— A Fish and a Fever— Why Joseph Scaliger couldn't Drink Milk— The Man who Ran away from a Cat— About the Cock that Frightened Cozsar — The Two Brother's with One Set of feelings— How Dennis Hendiick won his Strange Bet— Walking Blind-folded —How to Tell the Time by Cats' Eyes— How a Young Woman was Cured by a Ping— The Story told by a Skull— A Romantic Highway Robber. . 435
CONTENTS. XVl'l
fnngtilar Customs.
The Coffin on the Table— Queer Mode of Enjoying Oneself— A Beautiful Indian Custom— Why the People of Carazan Murder their Guests— Danger of Being Handsome— How an Evil Spirit was Frightened Away— Beefsteaks from a Live Cow— Compliments Paid to a Bear— How Noses are Made— How Lions are Caught by the Tail— A Picture of High Life Four Centuries Ago— Why Hairs were put in Ancient Seals— Fining People for not Getting Married— A Curious Matrimonial Advertisement 477
Odd Titles for a Sham Library— Puns of Tom Hood — The Jests of Hierocles— Curious Letter of Rothschild 's — Some Singularly Short Letters — A Disappoin t- ed Lover— ■" The Happiest Dog Alive"— What Happened Between Abernethy and the Lady— Witty Sayings of Talleyrand— Why Rochester's Poem was Best— How the Emperor Nicholas was " Sold"— Difference Between ." Old Harry'''' and " Old Nick" — Comical Story of a very Mean Man— Instances of Audacious Boasting— Chas. Mathews and the Silver Spoon— How a King Upset his Inside— Curious Story of Some Relics — What " Topsy's" Other Name Was— Minding their P's and Q 's— Practical Jokes of a Russian Jester.
482
Jlas^s of lltparfee.
Curran and Sir Boyle Roche— Witty Reply of a Fishwoman—Cobden and the American Lady — Witty Suggestion of Napoleon — Making " Game" of a Lady— The Road that no Peddler ever Traveled— " A Puppy in his Boots.'"— A Quaker's Queer Suggestion— What the Girl said to Curran— A Man who had "never been Weaned"— Ready Wit of Theodore Hook— '■'■Chaff" between Barrow and Rochester— A Windy M. P.— A Clergyman known by his " Walk"— A Man who "had a Right to Speak"— The " Weak Brother " and Tobacco Pipes— Beecher Lecturing for F-A-M-E— Admiral Keppel and the He- Goat — Thackeray and the Beggar- Woman — What Paddy said about " Ayther and Nayther" — Scribe and the French Millionaire — Voltaire and Holler — Why Paddy "Loved her Still" — Bacon and Hogg — "^1 Most Excellent Judge" — Thackeray Snubbed — Christian Cannibalis?n — How a Barrister's Eloquence was Silenced 495
®Ij£ S$£*£S.
Masculine and Feminine Virtues and Vices— Character of the Happy Woman — What Mrs. Jameson said about Women— Old Ballad in Praise of Women —
xviii CONTENTS.
The Two Sexes Compared— What John Randolph said in Praise of Matri- mony— 'Wife; Mistress; or Lady?— St. Leon's Toast to his Mother. ... 501
Posltm SHisbom.
The Caliph of Bagdad— Shrewd Decision of a Moslem Judge— A Question of Dinner— How the Money was Divided— The Wisdom of Ali—The Prophets Judgment: Wisdom and Wealth— Mohammedan Logic— The Foolish Young Man who Fell in Love— Queer Case of Consequential Damages— Sad Blunder of Omar— A Perplexing Turkish Will— The Dervise's Device 508
feerpta from |)*rsian jpoelrg.
Earth an Illusion— Heaven an Echo of Earth— A Moral Atmosphere— Fortune and Worth— Broken Hearts— To a Generous Man— Beauty's Prerogative- Proud Humility— Folly for Oneself— An Impossibility— Sober Drunken- ness—A Wine Drinker's Metaphors— The Verses of Mirtsa Scliaffy—The Unappreciative World— The Caliph and Satan— Curious Dodge of the Devil 511
epigrams.
An Epigram on Epigrams— Midas and Modern Statesmen—" Come Gentle Sleep'" — A Man who Wrote Long Epitaphs — The Fool and the Poet — "Dum Vivimus Vivamus " — Dr. Johnson and Molly Ashton—A Know- Nothing— Epigram on " Our Bed''' — On a Late Repentance— A Pale Lady with a Bed-Nosed Husband— Snowflakes on a Lady's Breast— To John Milton— Wesley on Butler— Ridiculous Compliment to Pope—AtJwl Brose — What is Eternity— Stolen Sermons — Comical Advice to an Author — A Frugal Queen— Man With a Thick Skull— Miss Prue and the Kiss— A Ready- Made Angel— The Lover and t/ie Looking- Glass— A Capricious Friend — A Man who Told "Fibs"— Unlucky End of a Scorpion— The Lawyer and the Novel— A Woman's Will— Wellington'' s Big Nose— The Miser and his Money— On Bad Singing — Old Nick and the Fiddle— Foot-man versus Toe- man — "Hot Corn"— Bonnets of Straw — An "Original Sin" Man — On Writing Verses— Prudent Simplicity— A Friend in. Distress — Hog v. Bacon — A Warm Reception— Taking Medical Advice— Definition of a Dentist— Dr. Goodenough's Sermon— What Might Have Been— A Reflection— The Woman in the Case — How Lawyers are "Keen"— Dux and Drakes— The Parson's Eyes— "He Didn't Mean Her"— Affinity Between Gold and Love— The Crier who Could not Cry— The Parson and the Butcher— A Hard Case of Strikes— Coats of Male— The Beaux upon the Quiver— On Burning Widows—
CONTENTS. XIX
Learning Speeches by Heart— A Golden Webb— The Jawbone of an Ass- Walking on her Head— Marriage a la mode— Quid Pro Quo— Woman, pro and con — Abundance of Fools— The World—" Terminer Sans Oyer''''— Seeing Double ~15
Impromptus.
Dr. Young and his Eve— How Ben Jonson Paid his Bill— What Melville said to Queen Elizabeth— The u Angel" in the Pew— How Andrew Horner was Cut up— What Hastings Wrote of Burke— Impromptu of Dr. Johnson— Burlesque of Old Ballads— What was " Punning in a Lady's Head"— Im- provised Rhymes— Like unto Judas— How the Devil got his Due— The Writ- ing on the Window— "■ I Thought so Yesterday"— What is Written on the Gates of Hell— Burns'1 " Grace before Meat " 538
Ucfratforg lljjgmhtg.
Julianna and the Lozenges— Brougham's Rhyme for Morris— The French Speculator's Epitaph— What is a Monogomphe— Rhymes for Month, Chim- ney, Liquid, Carpet, Window, Garden, Porringer, Orange, Lemon, Pilgrim, Widow, Timbuctoo, Niagara, Machonochie— Rhyme to Gottingen—The Ingoldsby Legends— Punch' 's Funny Rhymes — Chopin's Rhyme to Brimble- comb— Butler's Rhyim to Philosopher— A Rhyme to Germany— Hood's Nocturnal Sketch 534
©aUnthus.
A Strategic Love-Letter— Love-Letter in Invisible Ink— Secret Invitation Con- cealed in a Love-Letter— Macaulay's Essay to Mary C. Stanhope— Love- Verses of Robert Burns— Teutonic Alliteration— Singular Letter in Three Columns— Love- Letter Written in Blood— A Valentine in Many Languages- Practical Joke on a Colored Man— Unpublished Verses of Thomas Moore— An Egyptian Serenade— Petition of Sixteen Maids against the Widows of South Carolina— Unlucky Petition to Madame de Maintenon 544
bonnets.
How the Fourteen Lines were Wiitten— Sonnet on a Fashionable Church— On the Proxy Saint— About a Nose— On Dyspepsia— Humility— Ave Maria.'... 551
Conformity of %tn$t to Sonnb.
Articulate Imitation of Inarticulate Sounds— Example from Pope— Milton's *' Lycidas " —From Dyer's '■'•Ruins of Rome"— Imitations of Time and
CONTENTS.
Motion— " H Allegro"— Pope's " Horner"— Dry den's " Lucretius"— Milton s " 11 Penseroso"—Fine Examples from Virgil— Imitations of Difficulty and
Ease.
551
familiar Quotations from Unfamiliar Sources.
"No Cross, no Crown"—11 Corporations have no Souls"— •" Children of a Larger Growth"—" Consistency a Jewel "— " Cleanliness next to Godliness"— "He's a Brick"— " When at Rome, do as the Romans"—" Taking Time by the Forelock"—" What will Mrs. Grundy Say ?"—" Though Lost to Sight, to Memory Dear"— " Conspicuous by its Absence"— " Do as I Say, not as I Do"— " Honesty the Best Policy"—" Facts are Stubborn Things"— " Corn- parisonsare Odious"—" Dark as Pitch"—" Every Tubon its oivn Bottom" — Two Pages of Examples, In teresting, Amusing, and Instructive 556
Cljarcbnarb JTitcratnre.
Epitaphs of Eminent Men— Appropriate and Rare Inscriptions— Franklin's Epitaph on Himself— Touching Memorials of Children— Historical and Biographical Epitaphs— Self-Written Inscriptions— Advertising Notices- Unique and Ludicrous Epitaphs— Puns in the Churchyard— Puzzling In- scriptions—Parallels Without a Parallel— Bathos— Transcendental Epitaph— Acrostical Inscriptions— Indian, African, Hibernian, Greek Epitaphs— Palchivork Character on a Tombstone— The Printer's Epitaph— Specimens of Exceedingly Brief Epitaphs— Highly Laudatory Inscriptions— A Chemical Epitaph— On an Architect— On an Orator— On a Watchmaker— On a Miserly Money Lender— On a Tailor— On a Dancing Master— On an Infidel— On Voltaire— On Hume— On Tom Paine— ■" Earth to Earth"— Byron s In scription on his Dog . . 564
Inscriptions.
Old English Tavern Sign-Boards— Curious Origin of Absurd Signs—" The Magpie and Crown"— " The Hen and the Razor"—" The Sivan-uithtwo- Necks"— Singular Statement of Sir Joseph Bants— " The Goat and Com- passes"—The " Signs" of Puritan Times— A Curious " Reformation" - "The Cat and the Fiddle"— " Satan and the Bag of Nails"— Ancient' Signs in Pompeii— The Four Aivls and the Grave Monis— The " Queer- Door," and the "Pig and Whistle"— Heraldic Signs of the Middle Ages— " Ihavea Cunen Fox, Ac.' —Versified Inscriptions— Cooper and his " Zwei Glasses1'— How a Sign Cose a Man his Life— An Inscription in Four Columns— Beer-lug Inscriptions— Inscriptions on Wmdow-Panes— Quaint Descrintion of an Inn in the Olden Time— Curious Inscriptions on Bells—
CONTENTS. XXI
Baptising and Anointing Bells— The Great Tom of Oxford— Amusing Old Fly-Leaf Inscriptions— Sun- Dial Inscriptions— Memorial Verses— Frances Singular Discovery— Golden Mottoes—" Posies'1'' from Wedding Rings.. 615
parallel passages.
Imitations and Plagiarisms of Authors— Curious Coincidences — Examples from Young, Congreve, Blair, and Shakespeare— Imitations of Otway, Gray, Milton, and Rogers— The Blindness of Homer and Milton— What Hume said of the Clergy— How Praise Becomes Satire— Parallel Passages from the English Poets— Singular Examples from Shakespeare— Shakespeare's Ac- quaintance with the Latin Poets — Thoughts Repeated from Age to Age^ Which was the True Original?— Historical Similitudes— What Radbod said with his Legs in the Water— Why Wulf, the Goth, wouldn't be Baptised — Why an Indian Refused to go to Heaven— Curious Choice of a Woman- Last Words of Cardinal Wolsey— Death of Sir James Hamilton— Solomon's Judgment Repeated— Why two Women Pulled a Child's Legs— How Na- poleon Decided Between two Ladies— The Hindoo Legend of the Weasel a^d the Babe— The Faithful Dog: a Welsh Ballad— Singular Murder of a Clever Apprentice— Ballads and Legends— Terrible Story of an old Mid- wife—What a Clergyman did at Midnight— How Genevra was Buried Alive— The Glwst which Appeared to Antonio— Strange Story of a Ring— Death Prophecies— What was done before three Battles— How an Army of Mice Devoured Bishop Hatto 640
frototgpes.
The Oldest Proverb on Record— Curious Wish of an Old Lady— Cinderella's Slipper— How an Eagle Stole a Shoe, and a King Chose a Wife— Mrs. Caudle's Curtain Lectures—' '' The Charge of the Light Brigade"— Dr. Faustus and tlve Devil— " Blown up" Cushions— What the " Poor Cat V the Adage" Did— The Lady with Two Cork Legs— The Pope's Bull against the Comet— Lincoln "Swapping Horses"— Wooden Nutmegs— Trade Union* Two Centuries Ago— Consequential Damages— The Babies that Never were Born— The Original Shylock—Druidical Excommunication— Fall of Na- poleon I.— Lanark and Lodore—The Song of the Bell—TurgoVs Eulogistic Epigraph on Franklin— Origin of the Declaration of Independence— The Know-Nothings— The first Conception of the Pilgrim's Progress— Did Defoe Write Robinson Crusoe?— Talleyrand' t Famous Saying: Whence?— Mistake about Drinking out of Skulls— Great Literary Plagiarism— Origin of Old Ballads— The Story of the Wandering Jew <>!W
Xxii CONTENTS.
Curious §)ooks.
Did Books with Odd Titles— ■" Shot Aimed at the DeviPs Headquarters"— " Crumbs of Comfort for the Chickens of the Covenant"— ■" Eggs of Charity Layed by the Chickens of the Covenant, and Boiled with the Water of Divine Love"— ■" High-heeled Shoes for Dwarfs in Holiness"—' " Hooks and Eyes for Believers'' Breeches"— -" Sixpenny 'worth of Divine Spirit"— " Spiritual Mustard Pot"— " Tobacco Battered and Pipes Shattered"— "News from Heaven"— The Most Curious Book in the World— A Book that was never Written or Printed, but which can be Read— The Silver Book at Upsal— What is a Bibliognoste ?—W hat a Bibliographe ?—What a Bibliomane ?— What a Bibliophile and a Bibliolaphe? 720
JTiltrariana.
The Mystery of the " Letters of Junius"— Who Wrote Them?— What Canning and Macaulay Thought— A Well-kept Secret— Original MS. of Gray's Elegy— The Omitted Stanzas— Imitations— Hcno Pope Corrected his Manu- script—Importance of Punctuation : Comical Errors — " A Pigeon Making Bread"— How many Nails on a Lady's Hand— A Comical Petition in Church— The Soldier who Died for want of a Stop— Indian Heraldry- Anachronisms of Shakespeare— King Lear's Spectacles— The Heroines of Shakespeare— Shakespeare's Life and Sonnets Compared— Was He Lame ?— The Age of Hamlet— Was He Really Mad ?— Additional Verses to "Home, Sweet Home "— The Falsities of History— Two Views of Napoleon— Clarence and the Butt of Malmsey— True Character of Richard III— The Name "America" a Fraud— Lexington and the "First Blood Shed"— Eye- witnesses in Error— Curious Story of Sir Walter Raleigh— The Difference between }M,t and Humor— A Rhyming Newspaper— Ruskin's Defence of Book-Love? s— Letters and their Endings— Shrewd Words of Lord Bacon.
123
fifoati.
Account of some Famous Linguists— A Man who Knew One Hundred and Eleven Languages— A Cardinal of Many Tongues— Elihu Burnt, the Learned Blacksmith— Literary Oddities— Curious Habits of Celebrated Authors— How they have Written their Books— Racine's Adventure with the Workmen- Luther in his Study— Calvin Scribbling in Bed— Rousseau, Le Sage, and Byron at Work— Fontaine, Pascal, Fenelon, and De Quincey— Whence Bacon SouqM Inspiration— Culture and Sacrifice— The Sorrows and Trials of Great Men— Sharon Turner and the Printers— A Stingy Old Scribbler—
CONTENTS. XX111
Dryden and His Publisher— Jacob Tonson's Rascality ; how lie Tned to Cheat the Poet 756
personal S&kU|jes anb ^.iwcboies.
Anecdote of George Washington— What Lafayette said to the King of France- Peculiarities of the Name Napoleon— How Napoleon Remembered Milton at the Dreadful Battle of Austerlitz—The Emperor's Personal Appearance— His Opinion of Suicide— Benjamin Franklin's Frugal Wife— Major Andre and the " Cow- Chase "—An English View of Andre and Arnold— How the Astronomer Royal Found an Old Woman's Clothes— The Boy who set Fire to an Empty Bottle— Curious Views of Martin Luther— The Hero of the Reformation — Carlyle's Translation of Luther's Hymn — Curious Account of Queen Elizabeth— What She Said to the Troublesome Priest— What was the Real Color of Her Hair?— Was Shakespeare a Christian?— Personal De- scription of Oliver Cromwell— How Pope's Skull ivas Stolen— What Became of Wickliffe's Ashes— The Folly of Two Astrologers— Anecdotes of Talley- rand—Parson's Puzzles 763
Historical Pemoranba.
The First Blood of the Revolution— The " Tea-Party" at Boston— Tea-Burning at Annapolis— The First American Ships of War— How Quinn Borrowed Tivenly Pounds of Shakespeare— Diabolical Proposition of Cotton Mather— A Rod in Pickle for William Penn—Hoio he Escaped— An American Monarchy— Origin of the '■'Star-Spangled Banner"— Origin of the French Tri- Color— How the Newspapers Changed their Tune— Story of Eugenie's Flight from France— Rise and Fall of Napoleon III— ■" L'Empire e'est la
Paix"— Jefferson's Idea of Marie Antoinette— Blucher's Insanity The
Secret of Queen Isabella's Daughter— Was Mary Magdalene a Sinner?— The Husband of Mother Goose, and what He Did— History and Fiction : which true?— Verdicts which Posterity have Reversed — Great Events from Little Causes— Why Queen Eleanor Quarreled with her Husband— Story of Queen Anne's Gloves— How the Flies Helped Forward the Declaration of Inde- pendence—The Discovery of America— Story of Annie Laurie— Who was Robin Adair?— Was Joan of Arc Really Burnt?— The Mystery of Amy Robsart's Death— Anecdotes of William Tell— Who Was He?— "■Society" in the Time of Louis XIV— How Cromwell Tricked his Chaplain— The Last Night of the Girondists— Elizabeth, Essex, and the Ring 782
XXiy CONTENTS.
Poliam in f arbo.
Much Meaning in Little Space— Coleridge and the Beasts— " Boxes" thai Govern the World—11! Cannot Fiddle"— •" Like a Potato"— The Vowels in Order— Balzac's Instance of Self- Respect— Whom do Mankind Pay Best?— Comical Instance of Wrong Emphasis—" Vive la Mort ! "—Motto for all Seasons— Curious Grace before Meat 823
£ifc anir §tnfy.
What is Death?— Bishop Hebers " Voyage of Life"— Curious Poem of Dr. Home—" The Round of Life"— Hugh Peters' Legacy to his Daughter- Franklin's Moral Code— How to Divide Time— Living Life over Again— Rhyming Definitions— What is Earth?— Curious Replies— Rhyming Char- ter of William the Conquerer— Puzzling Question for the Lawyers— What Rabbi Joshua Told the Emperor— Dying Words of Distinguished Persons- Last Prayer of Mary, Queen of Scots— Extraordinary Case of Trance- Curious Question about Lazarus— Preservation of Dead Bodies— Corpse of a Lady Preserved for Eighty Tears— Bodies of English Kings Undecayed for many Centuries— Three Roman Soldiers Preserved "Plump and Fresh" for Fifteen Hundred Years— Bodies Converted into Fat— About Mummies- Wonderful Discovery in an Etruscan Tomb— The Reign of Terror— What Became of the Bodies of the French Kings— Jewish Tombs in the Valley of Hinnom—A Whimsical Will— The Tripod of Life— How Many Kinds of Death there Are— Curious Irish Epitaph — Significance of the Fleur de lis — Death of the First Born — Jean Ingeloufs " Story of Long Ago " — " This is not Your Rest" — Causes of III Success in Life — FuluHly— Longfellow on " The Heart"— An Evening Prayer— Beautiful Thought— Life's Parting- Destiny— Sympathy— •" After ;" Death's Final Conquest — " There is no Death "—Eutlianasia , , , 826
alphabetical fflJSJjtms.
LIPOGRAMMATA AND PANGRAMMATA.
■tN No. 59 of the Spectator, Addison, descanting on the different species of false wit, observes, " The first I shall pro- duce are the Lipogrammatists, or letter droppers of antiquity, that would take an exception, without any reason, against some ■ particular letter in the alphabet, so as not to admit it once in a whole poem. One Try- phiodorus was a great master in this kind of 'writing. He composed an Odyssey, or Epic Poem, on the adventures of Ulysses, con- 1 sisting of four-and-twenty-books, having en- tirely banished the letter A from his first book, which was called Alpha, (as lucus a non lucendo,) because there was not an alpha in it. His second book was inscribed Beta, for the same reason. In short, the poet excluded the whole four-and-twenty letters in their turns, and showed them that he could do his business without them. It must have been very pleasant to have seen this Poet avoiding the reprobate letter as much as another would a false quantity, and making his escape from it, through the different Greek dialects, when he was presented with it in any particular syllable ; for the most apt and elegant word in
3 26
26 ALPHABETICAL WHIMS.
the whole language was rejected, like a diamond with a flaw in it, if it appeared blemished with the wrong letter."
In No. 63, Addison has again introduced Tryphiodorus, in his Vision of the Region of False Wit, where he sees the phan- tom of this poet pursued through the intricacies of a dance by four-and-twenty persons, (representatives of the alphabet,) who are unable to overtake him.
Addison should, however, have mentioned that Tryphiodorus is kept in countenance by no less an authority than Pindar, who, according to Athenaeus, wrote an ode from which the letter sigma was carefully excluded.
This caprice of Tryphiodorus has not been without its imi- tators. Peter de Riga, a canon of Rheiuis, wrote a summary of the Bible in twenty-three sections, and throughout each sec- tion omitted, successively, some particular letter.
Gordianus Fulgentius, who wrote " De JEtatibus Mundi et Hominis," has styled his book a wonderful work, chiefly, it may be presumed, from a similar reason ; as from the chapter on Adam he has excluded the letter A ; from that on Abel, the B ; from that on Cain, the C ; and so on through twenty- three chapters.
Gregorio Letti presented a discourse to the Academy of Hu- morists at Rome, throughout which he had purposely omitted the letter R, and he entitled it the exiled E. A friend having requested a copy as a literary curiosity, (for so he considered this idle performance,) Letti, to show it was not so difficult a matter, replied by a copious answer of seven pages, in which he observed the same severe ostracism against the letter R.
Du Chat, in the "Ducatiana," says "there are five novels in prose, of Lope de Vega, similarly avoiding the vowels; the first without A, the second without E, the third without I, the fourth without 0, and the fifth without U."
The Orientalists are not without this literary folly. A Per- sian poet read to the celebrated Jami a ghazel of his own com- position, which Jami did not like; but the writer replied it was, notwithstanding, a very curious sonnet, for the letter Aliff wvi
ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 27
not to be found in any of the words ! Jami sarcastically an- Bwered, " You can do a better thing yet ; take away all the letters from every word you have written."
This alphabetical whim has assumed other shapes, sometimes taking the form of a fondness for a particular letter. In the Ecloga de Calvis of Hugbald the Monk, all the words begin with a C. In the Nugse Venales there is a Poem by Petrus Placentius, entitled Pugna Porcorum, in which every word be- gins with a P. In another performance in the same work, en- titled Canum cum cattis certamen, in which "apt alliteration's artful aid" is similarly summoned, every word begins with a C.
Lord North, one of the finest gentlemen in the Court of James I., has written a set of sonnets, each of which begins with a successive letter of the alphabet. The Earl of Rivers, in the reign of Edward IV., translated the Moral Proverbs of Christiana of Pisa, a poem of about two hundred lines, almost all the words of which he contrived to conclude with the letter E.
The Pangrammatists contrive to crowd all the letters of the alphabet into every single verse. The prophet Ezra may be regarded as the father of them, as may be seen by reference to ch. vii., v. 21, of his Book of Prophecies. Ausonius, a Ro- man poet of the fourth century, whose verses are characterized by great mechanical ingenuity, is fullest of these fancies.
The following sentence of only 48 letters, contains every letter of the alphabet: — John P. Brady, give me a black wal- nut box of quite a small size.
The stanza subjoined is a specimen of both lipogrammatio and pangrammatic ingenuity, containing every letter of the alphabet except e. Those who remember that e is the most indispensable letter, being much more frequently used than any other,* will perceive the difficulty of such composition.
* The relative proportions of the letters, in the formation of words, have been pretty accurately determined, as follows : —
A 85 E 120 I 80 M 30 Q 5 U 34 ¥20 B 16 F 25 J 4 N 80 R 62 V 12 Z 2
C 30 Or 17 K 8 O 80 S 80 W 20 D 44 H 64 L 40 P 17 T 90 X 4
28 ALPHABETICAL WHIMS.
A jovial swain may rack his brain,
And tax his fancy's might, To quiz in vain, for 'tis most plain,
That what I say is right.
The Fate of Nassau affords another example, each stanza containing the entire alphabet except e, and composed, as the writer says, with ease without e's.
Bold Nassan quits his caravan, A hazy mountain-grot to scan ; Climbs jaggy rocks to spy his way, Doth tax his sight, but far doth stray.
Not work of man, nor sport of child, Finds Nassau in that mazy wild ; Lax grow his joints, limbs toil in vain — Poor wight ! why didst thou quit that plain ?
Vainly for succor Nassan calls. Know, Zillah, that thy Nassan falls: But prowling wolf and fox may joy To quarry on thy Arab boy.
Lord Holland, after reading the five Spanish novels already alluded to, in 1824, composed the following curious example, in which all the vowels except E are omitted : —
eve's legend.
Men were never perfect ; yet the three brethren Veres were ever esteemed, respected, revered, even when the rest, whether the select few, whether the mere herd, were left neglected.
The eldest's vessels seek the deep, stem the element, get pence ; the keen Peter, when free, wedded Hester Green, — the slender, stern, severe, erect Hester Green. The next, clever Ned, less dependent, wedded sweet Ellen Heber. Stephen, ere he met the gentle Eve, never felt tenderness : he kept kennels, bred steeds, rested where the deer fed, went where green trees, whore fresh breezes, greeted sleep. There he met the meek, the gentle Eve : she tended her sheep, she ever neglected self: she never heeded pelf, yet Bhe heeded the shepherds even less. Nevertheless, her cheek reddened when she met Stephen ; yet decent reserve, meek respect, tempered her speech, even when she shewed tenderness. Stephen felt the sweet effect : he felt he erred when he fled the sex, yet felt he defenceless when Eve seemed tender. She, he reflects, never deserved neglect; she never vented spleen ; he esteems her gentleness, her endless deserts ; he reverences her steps; he greets her : —
ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 29
"Tell me whence these meek, these gentle sheep, — whence the yet meeker, the gentler shepherdess ?"
"Well bred, we were eke better fed, ere we went where reckless men Beek fleeces. There we were fleeced. Need then rendered me shepherdess, need renders me sempstress. See me tend the sheep; see me sew the wretched shreds. Eve's need preserves the steers, preserves the sheep; Eve's needle mends her dresses, hems her sheets; Eve feeds the geese; Eve preserves the cheese."
Her speech melted Stephen, yet he nevertheless esteems, reveres her. He bent the knee where her feet pressed the green; he blessed, he begged, he pressed her.
" Sweet, sweet Eve, let me wed thee ; be led where Hester Green, where Ellen Heber, where the brethren Vere dwell. Free cheer greets thee there; Ellen's glees sweeten the refreshment; there severer Hester's decent reserve checks heedless jests. Be led there, sweet Eve !"
" Never ! we well remember the Seer. We went where he dwells — we entered the cell — we begged the decree, —
' Where, whenever, when, 'twere well Eve be wedded ? Eld Seer, tell.'
" He rendered the decree ; see here the sentence decreed !" Then she presented Stephen the Seer's decree. The verses were these : —
"Ere the green reed be red, Sweet Eve, be never iced ; Ere be green the red cheek, Never wed thee, Eve meek."
The terms perplexed Stephen, yet he jeered the terms ; he resented the senseless credence, " Seers never err." Then he repented, knelt, wheedled, wept. Eve sees Stephen kneel ; she relents, yet frets when she remembers the Seer's decree. Her dress redeems her. These were the events : —
Her well-kempt tresses fell; sedges, reeds, bedecked them. The reeds fell, the edges met her cheeks ; her cheeks bled. She presses the green sedge where her cheek bleeds. Red then bedewed the green reed, the green reed then speckled her red cheek. The red cheek seems green, the green reed seems red. These were e'en the terms the Eld Seer decreed Stephen Vere.
Here endeth toe Legend.
ALPHABETICAL ADVERTISEMENT.
TO WIDOWERS AND SINGLE GENTLEMEN.— WANTED by a lady, a SITUATION to superintend the household and preside at table. She is Agreeable, Becoming, Careful, Desirable, English, Facetious, Generous, Honest, In-
3*
30 ALPHABETICAL WHIMS.
dustrious, Judicious, Keen, Lively, Merry, Natty, Obedient, Philosophic, Quiet, Regular, Sociable, Tasteful, Useful, Viva- cious, Womanish, Xantippish, Youthful, Zealous, &c. Address X. Y. Z., Simruond's Library, Edgeware-road. — London Times, 1842.
JACOBITE TOAST.
The following remarkable toast is ascribed to Lord Duff, and was presented on some public occasion in the year 1745. A. B. C. . . . A Blessed Change. D. E. F. . . . Down Every Foreigner. G. H. J. . . . God Help James. K. L. M. . . . Keep Lord Marr. N. 0. P. . . . Noble Orrnond Preserve. Q. R. S. . . . Quickly Resolve Stewart. T. U. V. W. . . Truss Up Vile Whigs. X. Y. Z. . . . 'Xert Your Zeal.
THE THREE INITIALS.
The following couplet, in which initials are so aptly used, was written on the alleged intended marriage of the Duke of Wellington, at a very advanced age, with Miss Angelina Bur- dett Coutts, the rich heiress : —
The Duko must in his second childhood be, Sinco in his doting age he turns to A. B. C.
ENIGMAS.
The letter E is thus enigmatically described :—
The beginning of eternity,
The end of time and space, The beginning of every end,
The end of every place.
The letter M is concealed in the following Latin enigma by tin unknown author of very ancient date :
Ego sum principium mundi et finis seculorum: Ego sum trinus et unus, et tamen non sum Deua.
ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 31
THE LETTER H.
The celebrated enigma on the letter H, commonly attributed to Lord Byron,* is well known. The following amusing petition is addressed by this letter to the inhabitants of Kidderminster, England — Protesting :
Whereas by you I have been driven
From 'ouse, from 'ome, from 'ope, from 'eaven,
And placed by your most learned society
In Hoxile, Hanguish, and Hanxiety ;
Nay, charged without one just pretence,
With Harrogance and Himpudence —
I here demand full restitution,
And beg you'll mend your Helocution.
Rowland Hill, when at college, was remarkable for the fre- quent wittiness of his observations. In a conversation on the powers of the letter H, in which it was contended that it was no letter, but a simple aspiration or breathing, Rowland took the opposite side of the question, and insisted on its being, to all intents and purposes, a letter; and concluded by observing that, if it were not, it was a very serious aifair to him, as it would occasion his being ill all the days of his life.
When Kohl, the traveller, visited the Church of St. Alex- ander Nevskoi, at St. Petersburg, his guide, pointing to a cor- ner of the building, said, " There lies a Cannibal." Attracted to the tomb by this strange announcement, Kohl found from the inscription that it was the Russian general Hannibal ; but as the Russians have no H,"}" they change the letter into Kj and hence the strange misnomer given to the deceased warrior.
* Now known to have been written by Miss Catherine Fanshawe.
f The Sandwich Island alphabet has twelve letters ; the Burmese, nineteen ; the Italian, twenty ; the Bengalese, twenty-one ; the Hebrew, Syriac, Chaldee, and Samaritan, twenty-two each ; the French, twenty-three ; the Greek, twenty-four; the Latin, twenty-five; the German, Dutch, and English, twenty- six each; the Spanish and Sclavonic, twenty-seven each; the Arabic, twenty -eight ; the Persian and Coptic, thirty-two; the Georgian, thirty-five; the Armenian, thirty-eight; the Russian, forty-one ; the Muscovite, forty- three; the Sanscrit and Japanese, fifty; the Ethiopic and Tartarian, two hun- dred and two each.
32 ALPHABETICAL WHIMS.
A city knight, who was unable to aspirate the H, on being deputed to give King William III. an address of welcome, ut- tered the following equivocal compliment : —
"Future ages, recording your Majesty's exploits, will pro- nounce you to have been a Nero !"
Mrs. Crawford says she wrote one line in her song, Kathleen Mavourn-een, for the express purpose of confounding the cock- ney warblers, who sing it thus : —
The 'orn of the 'unter is 'eard on the 'ill.
Moore has laid the same trap in the Woodpecker : — A 'eart that is 'umble might 'ope for it 'ere.
And the elephant confounds them the other way : — A helephant heasily heats at his hease, Hunder humbrageous humbrella trees.
ON THE MARRIAGE OF A LADY TO A GENTLEMAN NAMED GEE
Sure, madam, by your choice a taste we see :
What's good or great or grand without a G ?
A godly glow must sure on G depend,
Or oddly low our righteous thoughts must end :
The want of G all gratitude effaces ;
And without G, the Graces would run races.
ON SENDING A TAIR OP GLOVES.
Prom this small token take the letter G, And then 'tis love, and that I send to thee.
TJNIVOCALIC VERSES.
A. — THE KUSSO-TUEKISH WAR.
Wars harm all ranks, all arts, all crafts appall : At Mars' harsh blast, arch, rampart, altar, fall ! Ah ! hard as adamant, a braggart Czar Arms vassal swarms, and fans a fatal war! Rampant at that bad call, a Vandal band Harass, and harm, and ransack Wallach-land. A Tartar phalanx Balkan's scarp hath past, And Allah's standard falls, alas! at last.
ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 33
E. — THE FALL OF EVE.
Eve, Eden's Empress, needs defended be ; The Serpent greets her when she seeks the tree. Serene, she sees the speckled tempter creep ; Gentle be seems, — perversest scbemer deep, — Yet endless pretexts ever fresh prefers, Perverts her senses, revels when she errs, Sneers when she weeps, regrets, repents she fell; Then, deep revenged, reseeks the nether hell 1
I. — THE APPROACH OF EVENING.
Idling, I sit in this mild twilight dim, Whilst birds, in wild, swift vigils, circling skim. Light winds in sighing sink, till, rising bright, Night's Virgin Pilgrim swims in vivid light !
O. — INCONTROVERTIBLE FACTS.
No monk too good to rob, or cog, or plot. No fool so gross to bolt Scotch collops hot. From Donjon tops no Oronoko rolls. Logwood, not Lotos, floods Oporto's bowls. Troops of old tosspots oft, to sot, consort. Box tops, not bottoms, school-boys flog for sport. No cool monsoons blow soft on Oxford dons, Orthodox, jog-trot, book-worm Solomons ! Bold Ostrogoths, of ghosts no horror show. On London shop-fronts no hop-blossoms grow. To crocks of gold no dodo looks for food. On soft cloth footstools no old fox doth brood. Long storm-tost sloops forlorn, work on to port. Rooks do not roost on spoons, nor woodcocks snort, Nor dog on snow-drop or on coltsfoot rolls, Nor common frogs concoct long protocols.
U. — THE SAME SUBJECT, CONTINUED.
Dull humdrum murmurs lull, but hubbub stuns. Lucullus snuffs no musk, mundungus shuns. Puss purrs, buds burst, bucks butt, luck turns up trumps ; But full cups, hurtful, spur up unjust thumps.
A young English lady, on observing a gentleman's lane newly planted with lilacs, made this neat impromptu : — Let lovely lilacs line Lee's lonely lane.
34 ALPHABETICAL WHIMS.
ALPHABETICAL ALLITERATION.
THE SIEGE OF BELGRADE.
An Austrian army, awfully arrayed,
Boldly, by battery, besieged Belgrade ;
Cossack commanders cannonading come —
Dealing destruction's devastating doom j
Every endeavor, engineers essay,
For fame, for fortune — fighting furious fray : —
Generals 'gainst generals grapple — gracious God !
How honors Heaven, heroic hardihood !
Infuriate, — indiscriminate in ill,
Kindred kill kinsnen, — kinsmen kindred kill !
Labor low levels loftiest longest lines —
Men march 'mid mounds, 'mid moles, 'mid murderous mines:
Now noisy, noxious, noticed nought
Of outward obstacles opposing ought :
Poor patriots, partly purchased, partly pressed :
Quite quaking, quickly quarter, quarter quest,
Reason returns, religious right redounds,
Suwarrow stops such sanguinary sounds.
Truce to thee, Turkey — triumph to thy train !
Unjust, unwise, unmerciful Ukraine !
Vanish vain victory, vanish victory vain !
Why wish ye warfare ? Wherefore welcome were
Xerxes, Ximenes, Xanthus, Xaviere ?
Yield ! ye youths ! ye yeomen, yield your yell !
Zeno's, Zapater's, Zoroaster's zeal,
And all attracting — arms against acts appeal.
THE BUNKER HILL MONUMENT CELEBRATION.
Americans arrayed and armed attend;
Beside battalions bold, bright beauties blend.
Chiefs, clergy, citizens conglomerate, —
Detesting despots, — daring deeds debate ;
Each eye emblazoned ensigns entertain, —
Flourishing from far, — fan freedom's flame.
Guards greeting guards grown grey, — guest greeting guest.
High-minded heroes, hither, homeward, haste.
Ingenuous juniors join in jubilee,
Kith kenning kin, — kind knowing kindred key.
Lo, lengthened lines lend Liberty liege love,
Mixed masses, marshaled, Monumeiitieard move.
ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 35
Note noble navies near, — no novel notion, — Oft our oppressors overawed old Ocean ; Presumptuous princes, pristine patriots paled, Queens' quarrel questing quotas, quondam quailed. Rebellion roused, revolting ramparts rose. Stout spirits, smiting servile soldiers, strove. These thrilling themes, to thousands truly told, Usurpers' unjust usages unfold. Victorious vassals, vauntings vainly veiled, Where, whilesince, Webster, warlike Warren wailed. 'Xcuse 'xpletives 'xtra-queer 'xpressed, Yielding Yankee yeomen zest.
PRINCE CHARLES PROTECTED BY FLORA MACDONALD.
All ardent acts affright an Age abased
By brutal broils, by braggart bravery braced.
Craft's cankered courage changed Culloden's cry ;
" Deal deep" deposed " deal death" — " decoy," " defy :"
Enough. Ere envy enters England's eyes,
Fancy's false future fades, for Fortune flies.
Gaunt, gloomy, guaried, grappling giant griefs,
Here, hunted hard, his harassed heart he heaves ;
In impious ire incessant ills invests,
Judging Jove's jealous judgments, jaundiced jests !
Knoel, kirtled knight! keep keener kingcraft known,
Let larger lore life's levelling lessons loan :
Marauders must meet malefactors' meeds ;
No nation noisy non-conformists needs.
0 oracles of old ! our orb ordain
Peace's possession — Plenty's palmy plain !
Quiet Quixotic quests ; quell quarrelling ;
Rebuke red riot's resonant rifle ring.
Slumber seems strangely sweet since silence smote
The threatening thunders throbbing through their throat
Usurper ! under uniform unwont
Vail valor's vaguest venture, vainest vaunt.
Well wot we which were wise. War's wildfire won
Ximenes, Xerxes, Xavier, Xenophon :
Yet you, ye yearning youth, your young years yield
Zuinglius' zealot zest — Zinzendorf zion-zealed.
CACOPHONOUS COUPLET ON CARDINAL WOLSEV.
Begot by butchers, but by bishops bred, How high his honor holds his haughty head !
36 ALPHABETICAL WHIMS.
ADDRESS TO THE AURORA, WRITTEN IN MID-OCEAN.
Awake Aurora! and across all airs
By brilliant blazon banish boreal bears.
Crossing cold Canope's celestial crown,
Deep darts descending dive delusive down.
Entranced each eve Europa's every eye
Firm fixed forever fastens faithfully,
Greets golden guerdon gloriously grand ;
How Holy Heaven holds high his hollow hand !
Ignoble ignorance, inapt indeed —
Jeers jestingly just Jupiter's jereed :
Knavish Kamschatkans, knightly Kurdsmen know,
Long Labrador's light lustre looming low;
Midst myriad multitudes majestic might
No nature nobler numbers Neptune's night.
Opal of Oxus or old Ophir's ores
Pale pyrrhic pyres prismatic purple pours, —
Quiescent quivering, quickly, quaintly queer,
Rich, rosy, regal rays resplendent rear ;
Strange shooting streamers streaking starry skies
Trail their triumphant tresses — trembling ties.
Unseen, unhonored Ursa, — underneath
Veiled, vanquished — vainly vying — vanisheth :
Wild Woden, warning, watchful — whispers wan
Xanthitic Xeres, Xerxes, Xenophon,
Yet yielding yesternight yule's yell yawns
Zenith's zebraic zigzag, zodiac zones.
Pulci, in his Morgante Maggiore, xxiii. 47, gives the following remarkable double alliterations, two of them in every line :—
La easel cosa parea bretta e brutta, Vinta dal vento, e la natta e la notte, Stilla le stelle, ch'a tetto era tutta, Del pane appena ne detle ta' dotte ; Pereavea pure e qualehe fratta frutta, E 8vina e svena di botto una botte ; Poscia per pesci lascke prese alfesca, Ma il letto zXlotta alia frasca fufresca.
In the imitation of Laura Matilda, in the Rejected Addresses occurs this stanza : —
Pan beheld Patroclus dying,
Nox to Niobe was turned ; From Busiris Bacchus flying,
Saw his Semele inurned.
ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 37
TITLE-PAGE FOR A BOOK OP EXTRACTS FROM MANY AUTHORS.
Astonishing Anthology from Attractive Authors.
Broken Bits from Bulky Brain"
Choice Chunks from Chaucer to CL„*ining.
Dainty Devices from Diverse Directions.
Echoes of Eloquence from Eminent Essayists.
Fragrant Flowers from Fields of Fancy.
Gems of Genius Gloriously Garnished.
Handy Helps from Head and Heart.
Illustrious Intellects Intelligently Interpreted.
Jewels of Judgment and Jets of Jocularity.
Kindlings to Keep from the King to the Kitchen.
Loosened Leaves from Literary Laurels.
Magnificent Morsels from Mighty Minds.
Numerous Nuggets from Notable Noodles.
Oracular Opinions Officiously Offered.
Prodigious Points from Powerful Pens.
Quirks and Quibbles from Queer Quarters.
Rare Remarks Ridiculously Repeated.
Suggestive Squibs from Sundry Sources.
Tremendous Thoughts on Thundering Topics.
Utterances from Uppermost for Use and Unction.
Valuable Views in Various Voices.
Wisps of Wit in a Wilderness of Words.
Xcellent Xtracts Xactly Xpressed.
Yawnings and Yearnings for Youthful Yankees.
Zeal and Zest from Zoroaster to Zimmerman.
COMPLIMENTARY CONSIDERATIONS CONCERNING CHESS.
Cherished chess ! The charms of thy checkered chambers chain me changelessly. Chaplains have chanted thy charming ehoieeness; chief- tains have changed the chariot and the chase for the chaster chivalry of the chess-board, and the cheerier charge of the chess-knights. Chaste-eyed Caissa ! For thee are the ehaplets of chainless charity and the chalice of childlike cheerfulness. No chilling churl, no cheating chafferer, no chatter- ing changeling, no chanting charlatan can be thy champion ; the chival- rous, the charitable, and the cheerful are the chosen ones thou cherishest. Chance cannot change thee: from the cradle of childhood to the charnel- house, from our first childish chirpings to the chills of the church-yard, thou art our cheery, changeless chieftainess. Chastener of the churlish, chider of the changeable, cherisher of the chagrined, the chapter of thy chiliad of charms should be chanted in cherubic chimes by choicest choris ters, and ghiselled on chalcedon in cherubic chirography.
4
38 ALPHABETICAL WHIMS.
Hood, in describing the sensations of a dramatist awaiting
his debut, thus uses the letter F in his Ode to Perry : —
All Fume and Fret, Fuss, Fidget, Fancy, Fever, Funking, Fright, Ferment, Fault-fearing, Faintness — more F's yet : Flushed, Frigid, Flurried, Flinching, Fitful, Flat, Add Famished, Fuddled, and Fatigued to that; Funeral, Fate-Foreboding.
The repetition of the same letter in the following is very in- genious : —
FELICITOUS FLIGHT OF FANCY.
"A famous fish-factor found himself father of five flirting females — Fanny, Florence, Fernanda, Francesca, and Fenella. The first four were flat-featured, ill-favored, forbidding-faced, freckled frumps, fretful, flippant, foolish, and flaunting. Fenella was a fine-featured, fresh, fleet-footed fairy, frank, free, and full of fun. The fisher failed, and was forced by fickle fortune to forego his footman, forfeit his forefathers' fine fields, and find a forlorn farm-house in a forsaken forest. The four fretful females, fond of figuring at feasts in feathers and fashionable finery, fumed at their fugitive father. Forsaken by fulsome, flattering fortune-hunters, who followed them when first they flourished, Fenella fondled her father, flavored their food, forgot her flattering followers, and frolicked in a frieze without flounces. The father, finding himself forced to forage in foreign parts for a fortune, found ho could afford a faring to his five fondlings. The first four were fain to foster their frivolity with fine frills and fans, fit to finish their father's finances; Fenella, fearful of flooring him, formed a fancy for a full fresh flower. Fate favored the fish-factor for a few days, when he fell in with a fog ; his faithful Filley's footsteps faltered, and food failed. He found him- self in front of a fortified fortress. Finding it forsaken, and feeling himself feeble, and forlorn with fasting, he fed on the fish, flesh, and fowl he found, fricasseed, and when full fell flat on the floor. Fresh in the forenoon, he forthwith flew to the fruitful fields, and not forgetting Fenella, he filched a fair flower; when a foul, frightful, fiendish figure flashed forth: 'Felonious fellow, fingering my flowers, I'll finish you! Fly; say farewell to your fine felicitous family, and face me in a fortnight!' The faint-hearted fisher fumed and faltered, and fast and far was his flight. His five daughters flew to fall at his feet and fervently felicitate him. Frantically and fluently he unfolded his fate. Fenella, forthwith fortified by filial fondness, followed her father's footsteps, and flung- her faultless form at the foot of the fright- ful figure, who forgave the father, and fell flat on his face, for ho had fervently fallen in a fiery fit of love for the fair Fenella. He feasted her till, fascinated by his faithfulness, she forgot the ferocity of his face, form,
ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 39
and features, and frankly and fondly fixed Friday, fifth of February, for the affair to come off. There was festivity, fragrance, finery, fireworks, fricasseed frogs, fritters, fish, flesh, fowl, and frumentry, frontignac, flip, and fare fit for the fastidious; fruit, fuss, flambeaux, four fat fiddlers and fifurs; and the frightful form of the fortunate and frumpish fiend fell from him, and he fell at Fenella's feet a fair-favored, fine, frank, freeman of the forest. Behold the fruits of filial affection.
A BEVY OP BELLES.
The following lines are said to have been admirably de- scriptive of the five daughters of an English gentleman, formerly of Liverpool : —
Minerva-like majestic Mary moves. Law, Latin, Liberty, learned Lucy loves. Eliza's elegance each eye espies. Serenely silent Susan's smiles surprise. From fops, fools, flattery, fairest Fanny flies.
MOTIVES TO GRATITUDE.
A remarkable example of the old fondness for antithesis and alliteration in composition, is presented in the following extract from one of Watts' sermons : —
The last great help to thankfulness is to compare various circumstances and things together. Compare, then, your sorrows with you sins; com- pare your mercies with your merits; compare your comforts with your calamities ; compare your own troubles with the troubles of others; com pare your sufferings with the sufferings of Christ Jesus, your Lord; com- pare the pain of your afflictions with the profit of them ; compare your chastisements on earth with condemnation in hell ; compare the present hardships you bear with the happiness you expect hereafter, and try whether all these will not awaken thankfulness.
ACROSTICS.
The acrostic, though an old and favorite form of verse, in our own language has been almost wholly an exercise of inge- nuity, and has been considered fit only for trivial subjects, to be classed among nugse literarise. The word in its derivation includes various artificial arrangements of lines, and many fan- tastic conceits have been indulged in. Generally the acrostic has been formed of the first letters of each line ; sometimes of the last ; sometimes of both ; sometimes it is to be read down-
40 ALPHABETICAL WHIMS.
ward, sometimes upward. An ingenious variety called the Telestich, is that in which the letters beginning the lines spell a word, while the letters ending the lines, when taken together, form a word of an opposite meaning, as in this instance : —
U nite and untie are the same — so say yo U. N ot in wedlock, I ween, has this unity bee N. I n thedrama of marriage each wanderingr/o« T T o a new face would fly — all except you and I — ■ E ach seeking to alter the spell in their seen E.
In these lines, on the death of Lord Hatherton, (1863), the initial and final letters are doubled : —
H ard was his final fight with ghastly Deat h, H e bravely yielded his expiring breat h. A s in the Senate fighting freedom's pie a, A nd boundless in his wisdom as the se a. T he public welfare seeking to direc t, T he weak and undefended to protec t. H is steady course in noble life from birt h, H as shown his public and his private wort h. E vincing mind both lofty and sedat e, E ndowments great and fitted for the Stat e, E, eceiving high and low with open doo r, R ich in his bounty to the rude and poo r. T he crown reposed in him the highest trus t, T o show the world that he was wise and jus t. 0 n his ancestral banners long ag o, 0 urs willingly relied, and will do s o. Nor yet extinct is noble Hatherton, N ow still he lives in gracious Littleto n.
Although the fanciful and trifling tricks of poetasters have been carried to excess, and acrostics have come in for their share of satire, the origin of such artificial poetry was of a higher dignity. When written documents, were yet rare, every artifice was employed to enforce on the attention or fix on the memory the verses sung by bards or teachers. Alphabetic associations formed obvious and convenient aids for this pur- pose. In the Hebrew Psalms of David, and in other parts of Scripture, striking specimens occur. The peculiarity is not retained in the translations, but is indicated in the common
ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 41
version of the 119th Psalin by the initial letters prefixed to its divisions. The Greek Anthology also presents examples of acrostics, and they were often used in the old Latin language. Cicero, in his treatise " De Divinatione," has this remarkable passage : — "The verses of the Sybils (said he) are distinguished by that arrangement which the Greeks call Acrostic ; where, from the first letters of each verse in order, words are formed which express some particular meaning; as is the case with some of Ennius's verses, the initial letters of which make 1 which Ennius wrote !' "
Among the modern examples of acrostic writing, the most remarkable may be found in the works of Boccaccio. It is a poem of fifty cantos, of which Guinguene has preserved a speci- men in his Literary History of Italy.
A successful attempt has recently been made to use this form of verse for conveying useful information and expressing agree- able reflections, in a volume containing a series of acrostics on eminent names, commencing with Homer, and descending chronologically to our own time. The alphabetic necessity of the choice of words and epithets has not hindered the writer from giving distinct and generally correct character to the bio- graphical subjects, as may be seen in the following selections, which are as remarkable for the truth and discrimination of the descriptions as for the ingenuity of the diction :
oiE^RGK HERBERT.
G ood Country Parson, cheerful, quaint,
E ver in thy life a saint,
0 'er thy memory sweetly rise
R are old Izaak's eulogies,
G iving us, in life-drawn hue,
E ach loved feature to our view.
H oly Herbert, humble, mild, E 'en as simple as a child, R eady thy bounty to dispense, B earning with benevolence, E ver blessing, ever blest, R escuing the most distrest ; T hy "Temple" now is Heaven's bright rest. 4*
42 ALPHABETICAL WHIMS.
DRYDEN.
J) eep rolls on deep in thy majestic line.
R ich music and the stateliest march combine ;
Y et, who that hears its high harmonious strain D eeins not thy genius thou didst half profane? E xhausting thy great power of song on themes N ot worthy of its strong, effulgent beams.
REYNOLDS.
R are Painter ! whose unequall'd skill could trace E ach light and shadow of the changeful face;
Y oung " Samuel's," now, beaming with piety,
N ow the proud " Banished Lord's" dark misery,
Or" Ugolino's" ghastly visage, wild,
L ooking stern horror on each starving child;
D elights not less of social sort were thine,
S uch as with Burke, or e'en with Johnson shine.
BURKE.
B rilliant thy genius 'mongst a brilliant throng; TJ nique thy eloquence of pen and tongue ; R ome's Tully loftier flights could scarce command, K indling thy soul to thoughts that matchless stand E ver sublime and beautiful and grand.
HUBER.
H ow keen thy vision, e'en though reft of sight !
U sing with double power the mind's clear light:
B ee,s, and their hives, thy curious ken has scanned.
E ach cell, with geometric wisdom planned,
R ich stores of honeyed knowledge thus at thy command.
CRABBfi.
C opyist of Nature — simply, sternly true, — R eal the scenes that in thy page we view. "A mid the huts where poor men lie" unknown, B right humor or deep pathos thou hast thrown. B ard of the " Borough" and the " Village," see — E 'en haughty Byron owns he's charm'd by thee.
WALTER SCOTT.
W ondrous Wizard of the North, A rmed with spells of potent worth ! L ike to that greatest Bard of ours T he mighty magic of thy powers : E 'en thy bright fancy's offspring find R esemblance to his myriad mind.
ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 43
8 uch the creations that we see —
C haracter, manners, life in thee—
0 f Scotia's deeds, a proud display,
T he glories of a bygone day;
T hy genius foremost stands in all her long array.
•WORDSWORTH.
W andering, through many a year, 'mongst Cumbria's hills,
0 'er her wild fells, sweet vales, and sunny lakes,
R ich stores of thought thy musing mind distils,
D ay-dreams of poesy thy soul awakes : —
S uch was thy life— a poet's life, I ween ;
W orshipper thou of Nature ! every 6cene
0 f beauty stirred thy fancy's deeper mood, II eflection calmed the current of thy blood : T bus in the wide " Excursion" of thy mind,
H igh thoughts in words of worth we still may find.
IRVING.
1 n easy, natural, graceful charm of style,
R esembling Goldy's "Vicar," — free from guile:
V ein of rich humor through thy " Sketch-Book" flows. I magination her bright colors shows.
N o equal hast thou 'mongst thy brother band, Q enial thy soul, worthy our own loved land.
MACREADV.
M aster Tragedian ! worthy all our praise.
A ction and utterance such as bygone days
C ould oftener boast., were thine. Need we but name
R oman Virginius ? while our Shakspeare's fame
E ver 'twas thy chief joy and pride to uprear,
A nd give us back Macbeth, Othello, Lear.
D elight to thousands oft thou gav'st, and now
Y ears of calm lettered ease 'tis thine to know.
LONGFELLOW.
L ays like thine have many a charm ;
0 ft thy themes the heart must warm.
N ow o'er Slavery's guilt and woes,
G rief and shame's deep hues it throws;
F ar up Alpine heights is heard " E xcelsior," now the stirring word ; " L ife's Psalm," now, onward is inviting,
L ongings for nobler deeds exciting ;
0 'er Britain now resounds thy name,
W hile States unborn shall swell thy fame.
44 ALPHABETICAL WHIMS.
SOUTHEY.
S erenely bright thy life's pure stream did glide, 0 n sweet romantic Derwentwater's side. U nder great Skiddaw — there, in Epic lays, T hou dream'dst a poet's dreams of olden days, H ow Madoc wandered o'er the Atlantic wave, E astern Kehama, Roderic the brave,
Y ears cannot from our fondest memory lave.
MACAULAT.
M asterly critic! in whose brilliant style
A nd rich historic coloring breathes again —
C lothed in most picturesquo costume the while —
A 11 the dim past, with all its bustling train.
U nder this vivid, eloquent painting, see
L ife given anew to our old history's pagej
A nd in thy stirring ballad poetry,
Y outh's dreams of ancient Rome once more our minds engage.
OLIVER S IMPROMPTU.
Oliver, a sailor and patriot, with a merited reputation for extempore rhyming, while on a visit to his cousin Benedict Arnold, after the war, was asked by the latter to amuse a party of English officers with some extemporaneous effusion, whereupon he stood up and repeated the following Ernulphus curse, which would have satisfied Dr. Slop* himself: —
B orn for a curse to virtue and mankind,
E arth's broadest realm ne'er knew so black a mind.
N ight's sable veil your crimes can never hide,
E ach one so great, 'twould glut historic tide.
D efunct, your cursed memory will live
I n all the glare that infamy can give.
C urses of ages will attend your name,
T raitors alone will glory in your shame.
A lmighty vengeance sternly waits to roll
R ivers of sulphur on your treacherous soul :
N aturo looks shuddering back with conscious dread
0 n such a tarnished blot as she has made.
L et hell receive you, riveted in chains,
D ooined to the hottest focus of its flames.
* Tristram Shandy.
ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 45
ALLITERATIVE ACROSTIC.
The following alliterative acrostic is a gem in its way. Miss Kitty Stephens was the celebrated London vocalist, and is now the Dowager Countess of Essex : —
S he sings so soft, so sweet, so soothing still
T hat to the tone ten thousand thoughts there thrill ;
E lysian ecstasies enchant each ear —
P leasuro's pure pinions poise — prince, peasant, peer,
H ushing high hymns, Heaven hears her harmony, —
E arth's envy ends; enthralled each ear, each eye;
N umbers need ninefold nerve, or nearly name,
S oul-stirring Stephens' skill, sure seraphs sing the same.
CHRONOGRAMMATIC PASQUINADE.
On the election of Pope Leo X., in 1440, the following sati- rical acrostic appeared, to mark the date
M C C C C X L.
Multi Coeci Cardinales Creaverunt Ccecum Decimum (X) Leonem.
MONASTIC VERSE.
The merit of this fine specimen will be found in its being at the same time acrostic, mesostic, and telestic.
Inter cuncta micans Igniti sidera coell
Expellit tenebras E toto Phoebus ut orbE ;
Sic cascas removet JESUS caliginis umbraS,
Vivificansque simul Vero praecordia motV,
Solem justitiae Sese probat esse beatiS.
The following translation preserves the acrostic and mesostic, though not the telestic form of the original: —
In glory see the rising sun, Illustrious orb of day,
'Enlightening heaven's wide expanse, Expel night's gloom away. So light into the darkest soul, JESUS, Thou dost impart, Uplifting Thy life-giving smiles Upon the deadened heart:
Sun Thou of Righteousness Divine, Sole King of Saints Thou art
46
ALPHABETICAL WHIMS.
The figure of a fish carved on many of the monuments in the Roman Catacombs, is an emblematic acrostic, intended formerly to point out the burial-place of a Christian, without revealing the fact to the pagan persecutors. The Greek word for Jish is ^<?i!?, which the Christians understood to mean Jesus Christ, the Son of God, the Saviour, — the letters forming the initials of the following Greek words : —
Irjffouq — Jesus
Xpiaros — Christ,
Beou — of God,
Twq — Son,
Zwttjp — Saviour.
NAPOLEON FAMILY.
The names of the male crowned heads of the extinct Napo- leon dynasty form a remarkable acrostic : —
IT apoleon, Emperor of the French.
I oseph, King of Spain.
H ieronymus, King of Westphalia.
I oachim, King of Naples.
L ouis, King of Holland.
RACHEL.
Rachel, on one occasion, received a most remarkable present. It was a diadem, in antique style, adorned with six jewels. The stones were so set as to spell, in acrostic style, the name of the great artiste, and also to signify six of her principal roles, thus :
R uby, R ox an a,
A methyst, A men aide,
C ornelian, C amille,
H ematite, H ermione,
E merald, E milie,
L apis Lazuli, L aodice.
This mode of constructing ■ a name or motto by the initial letters of gems was formerly fashionable on wedding rings.
ALPHABETICAL WIIIMS. 47
MASONIC MEMENTO.
The following curious memento was written in the early part of last century : —
M— rMagnitude, Moderation, Magnanimity.
A — Affability, Affection, Attention.
S — Silence, Secrecy, Security.
0 — Obedience, Order, 03cononiy.
N — Noble, Natural, Neighborly.
R — Rational, Reciprocative, Receptive.
Y — Yielding, Ypight (fixed), Yare (ready). Which is explained thus : — Masonry, of things, teaches how to attain their just Magnitude. To inordinate affections the art of - - - Moderation. It inspires the soul with true - Magnanimity.
It also teaches us ----- - Affability.
To love each other with true - Affection,
And to pay to things sacred a just - Attention.
It instructs us how to keep - Silence,
To maintain ------- Secrecy,
And preserve - - . - - - - - Security ;
Also, to whom it is due, ----- Obedience,
To observe good ------ Order,
And a commendable ----- OSconomy.
It likewise teaches us how to bo worthily - Noble,
Truly -------- Natural,
And without reserve ----- Neighborly.
It instils principles indisputably ... Rational, And forms in us a disposition - Reciprocative,
And .____--- Receptive.
It makes us, to things indifferent, ... Yielding, To what is absolutely necessary, perfectly - Ypight,
And to do all that is truly good, most willingly Yare.
HEMPE.
' Bacon says, " The trivial prophecy which I heard when I was a child and Queen Elizabeth was in the flower of her years was —
When Hempe is spun England's done;
whereby it was generally conceived that after the sovereigns had reigned which had the letters of that word HEMPE, (which were Henry, Edward, Mary, Philip, Elizabeth,) England should come to utter confusion ; which, thanks be to God, is verified in the change of the name, for that the King's style is now no more of England, but of Britain"
48 ALPHABETICAL WHIMS.
THE BREVITY OF HUMAN LIFE.
Behold, alas! our days we spend:
How vain they be, how soon they end J
BEHOLD
How short a span
Was long enough of old
To measure out the life of man ;
In those well-tempered days his time was then
Surveyed, cast up, and found but threescore years and ten.
ALAS!
What is all that ?
They come and slide and pass
Before my tongue can tell thee what.
The posts of time are swift, which having run
Their seven short stages o'er, their short-lived task is done.
OUR DAYS
Begun, we bend
To sleep, to antic plays
And toys, until the first stage end ;
12 waning moons, twice 5 times told, we give
To unrecovered loss: we rather breathe than live.
WE SPEND
A ten years' breath
Beforo we apprehend
What 'tis to live in fear of death ;
Our childish dreams are filled with painted joys
Which please our sense, and waking prove but toys.
HOW VAIN,
How wretched is
Poor man, that doth remain
A slave to such a state as this !
His days are short at longest ; few at most ;
They are but bad at best, yet lavished out, or lost
THEY BE
The secret springs
That make our minutes flee
On wings more swift than eagles' wings !
Our life's a clock, and every gasp of breath
Breathes forth a warning grief, till time shall strike a deatli,
HOW SOON
Our new,-born light
Attains to full-aged noon !
And this, how soon to gray-haired night;
We spring, we bud, we blossom, and we blast,
Ere we can count our days, our days tbey flee so fast
ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 49
THEY END
When scarce begun,
And ere we apprehend
That we begin to live, our life is done.
Man, count thy days ; and if they fly too fast
For thy dull thoughts to count, count every day the last.
A VALENTINE.
The reader, by taking the first letter of the first of the follow- ing lines, the second letter of the second line, the third of the third, and so on to the end, can spell the name of the lady to whom they were addressed by Edgar A. Poe.
For her this rhyme is penned whose luminous eyes,
BRigbtly expressive as the twins of Lceda, ShAll find her own sweet name, that nestling lies
UpoN the page, enwrapped from every reader. SearCh narrowly the lines ! — they hold a treasure
DivinE — a talisman — an amulet That muSt be worn at heart. Search well the measure —
The wordS — the syllables ! Do not forget The triviAlest point, or you may lose your labor !
And yet theRe is in this no Gordian knot Which one miGht not undo without a sabre,
If one could mErely comprehend the plot. Enwritten upoN the leaf where now are peering
Eyes scintillaTing soul, there lie perdua Three eloquent wOrds, oft uttered in the hearing
Of poets, by poets — aS the name's a poet's, too. Its letters, althouGh naturally lying
Like the knight PintO — Mendez Ferdinando — Still form a synonym fOr Truth. Cease trying !
You will not read the riDdle, though you do the best you can do.
ANAGRAMS.
But with still more disordered march advance (Nor march it seemed, but wild fantastic dance) The uncouth Anagrams, distorted train, Shifting in double mazes o'er the plain. — Scribleriad.
Camden, in a chapter in his Remains, on this frivolous and now almost obsolete intellectual exercise, defines Anagrams to D 5
50 ALPHABETICAL WHIMS.
be a dissolution of a name into its letters, as its elements ; and a new connection into words is formed by tbeir transposition, if possible, without addition, subtraction, or change of the letters : and the words should make a sentence applicable to the person or thing named. The anagram is complimentary or satirical ; it may contain some allusion to an event, or describe some per- sonal characteristic. Thus, Sir Thomas Wiat bore his own designation in his name : —
Wiat— A Wit.
Astronomer may be made Jfoon-starer, and Telegraph, Great Help. Funeral may be converted into Real Fun, and Presby- terian may be made Best in prayer. In stone may be found tones, notes, or seton ; and (taking j and v as duplicates of * and u) the letters of the alphabet may be arranged so as to form the words back, frown' d, phlegm, quiz, and Styx. Roma may be transposed into amor, armo, Maro, mora, oram, or ramo. The following epigram occurs in a book printed in 1660 :
Hate and debate Rome through the world has spread ; Yet Roma amor is, if backward read : Then is it strange Rome hate should foster? No; For out of backward love all hate doth grow.
It is said that the cabalists among the Jews were professed anagrammatists, the third part of their art called themuru (changing) being nothing more than finding the hidden and mystical meaning in names, by transposing and differently combining the letters of those names. Thus, of the letters of Noah's name in Hebrew, they made grace ; and of the Messiah they made he shall rejoice.
Lycophron, a Greek writer who lived three centuries before the Christian era, records two anagrams in his poem on the siege of Troy entitled Cassandra. One is on the name of Ptolemy Philadelphus, in whose reign Lycophron lived : —
HT0AEMAI2. AIIO MEAITOS— Made of honey.
The othet is on Ptolemy's queen, Arsinoe : —
AP2INOE. EPA2 ION— Juno's violet.
ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 51
Eustachius informs us that this practice was common among the Greeks, and gives numerous examples ; such, for instance, as the transposition of the word Apery, virtue, into Eparr), lovely.
Owen, the Welsh epigrammatist, sometimes called the British Martial, lived in the golden age of anagrammatism. The following are fair specimens of his ingenuity : —
Galenus — Angelus. Angelas es bonus anne malus ; Galene ! salutis Humana custos, angelus ergo bonus,
De Fide — Anagramma quincuplex. Recta fides, certa est, areet mala schismata, non est, Sicut Oreta, fides fictilis, arte caret.
Brevitas — Anagramma triplex. Perspicua brevitate nihil magis afBcit aures In verbis, ubi res postulat, esto brevis.
In a New Help to Discourse, 12mo, London, 1684, occurs an anagram with a very quaint epigrammatic "exposition :" —
TOAST — A SOTT.
A toast is like a sot; or, what is most Comparative, a sot is like a toast; For when their substances in liquor sink, Both properly are said to be in drink.
Cotton Mather was once described as distinguished for —
" Care to guide his flock and feed his lambs By words, works, prayers, psalms, alms, and anagrams."
Sylvester, in dedicating to his sovereign his translation of Du. Bartas, rings the following loyal change on the name of his liege : —
James Stuart — A just master.
Of the poet Waller, the old anagrammatist said : —
His brows need not with Laiorel to be bound, Since in his name with Lawrel he is crowned.
The author of an extraordinary work on heraldry was thus expressively complimented : —
Randlo Holmes. Lo, Men's Herald !
52 ALPHABETICAL WHIMS.
The following on the name of the mistress of Charles IX. of France is historically true : —
Marie Touchet, Je charme tout.
In the assassin of Henry III.,
Frere Jacques Clement,
they discovered
C'est l'enfer qui m'a cr6e.
The French appear to have practised this art with peculiar facility. A French poet, deeply in love, in one day sent his mistress, whose name was Magdclaine, three dozen of ana- grams on her single name.
The father Pierre de St. Louis became a Carmelite monk on discovering that his lay name —
Ludovicus Bartelemi —
yielded the anagram —
Carmelo se devovet.
Of all the extravagances occasioned by the anagrammatio fever when at its height, none equals what is recorded of an infatuated Frenchman in the seventeenth century, named Andre" Pujom, who, finding in his name the anagram Pendu d Riom, (the seat of criminal justice in the province of Auvergne,) felt impelled to fulfill his destiny, committed a capital offence in Auvergne, and was actually hung in the place to which the omen pointed.
The anagram on General Monk, afterwards Duke of Albe- marle, on the restoration of Charles II., is also a chronogram, including the date of that important event : — Georgius Monke, Dux de Aumarlo, Ego Regera reduxi Ano. Sa. MDCLW.
The mildness of the government of Elizabeth, contrasted with her intrepidity against the Iberians, is thus picked out of her title : she is made the English lamb and the Spanish lioness.
Elizabetha Regina Angliae, Angli? Agua, Hiberias Lea.
ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 53
The unhappy history of Mary Queen of Scots, the depriva- tion of her kingdom, and her violent death, are expressed in the following Latin anagram : —
Maria Steuarda Scotorum Regina. Trusa vi Regnis, morte ainara cado.
In Taylor's Suddaine Turne of Fortune's Wheele, occurs the following very singular example : —
But, holie father, I am ecrtifyed
That they your power and policye deride;
And how of you they make an anagram,
The best and bitterest that the wits could frame.
As thus : Supremus Pontifex Romanus.
Annagramma : 0 non sum super petram jixus.
The anagram on the well-known bibliographer, William Oldys, may claim a place among the first productions of this class. It was by Oldys himself, and was found by his execu- tors among his MSS.
In word and will i am a friend to you ; And one friend old is worth a hundred new.
The following anagram, preserved in the files of the First Church in Roxbury, was sent to Thomas Dudley, a governor and major-general of the colony of Massachusetts, in 1615. He died in 1653, aged 77.
THOMAS DUDLEY.
Ah ! old must dye. A death's head on your hand you neede not weare, A dying head you on your shoulders beare. You need not one to mind you, you must dye, You in your name may spell mortalitye. Younge men may dye, but old men, these dye must ; 'Twill not be long before you turne to dust. Before you turne to dust! ah! must! old! dye! What shall younge doe when old in dust doe lye? When old in dust lye, what N. England doe ? When old in dust doe lye, it's best dye too. 5*
54 ALPHABETICAL WHIMS.
In an Elegy written by Rev. John Cotton on tlie death of John Alden, a magistrate of the old Plymouth Colony, who died in 1687, the following phonetic anagram occurs : — John Alden — End al on hi.
The Calvinistic opponents of Arminius made of his name a not very creditable Latin anagram : —
Jacobus Arminius,
Vani orbis amicus;
(The friend of a false world.)
while his friends, taking advantage of the Dutch mode of writ- ing it, .Harniinius, hurled back the conclusive argument,
Habui curam Sionis. (I have had charge of Zion.)
Perhaps the most extraordinary anagram to be met with, is that on the Latin of Pilate's question to the Saviour, " What is truth ?"— St. John, xviii. 38.
Quid est Veritas?
Est vir qui adest.
(It is the man who is before you.)
Live, vile, and evil, have the self-same letters ;
He lives but vile, whom evil holds in fetters. If you transpose what ladies wear — Veil, 'Twill plainly show what bad folks are — Vile. Again if you transpose the same, You'll see an ancient Hebrew name — Levi. Change it again, and it will show What all on earth desire to do — Live. Transpose the letters yet once more, What bad men do you'll then explore — Evil.
PERSIST. A lady, being asked by a gentleman to join in the bonds of matrimony with him, wrote the word " Stripes," stating at the time that the letters making up the word stripes could be changed so as to make an answer to his question. The result proved satisfactory.
ALPHABETICAL WHIMS.
55
When I cry that I sin is transposed, it is clear, My resource Christianity soon will appear.
The two which follow are peculiarly appropriate : —
Florence Nightingale, John Abernethy,
Flit on, charming angel. Johnny the bear.
TIME
ITEM
METI
EMIT This word, Time, is the only word in the English language which can be thus arranged, and the different transpositions thereof are all at the same time Latin words. These words, in English as well as in Latin, may be read either upward or downward. Their signification as Latin words is as follows : — Time — fear thou; Item — likewise; Meti — to be measured; Emit — he buys.
Some striking German and Latin anagrams have been made of Luther's name, of which the following are specimens. Doctor Martinus Lutherus transposed, gives 0 Rom, Luther ist der scliwan. In D. Martinus Lutherus may be found ut turris das lumen (like a tower you give light). In Martinus Lutherus we have vir multa struens (the man who builds up much), and ter matris vuhius (he gave three wounds to the mother church). Martin Luther will make lehrt in Armuth (he teaches in poverty).
Jablonski welcomed the visit of Stanislaus, King of Poland, with his noble relatives of the house of Lescinski, to the an- nual examination of the students under his care, at the gymna- sium of Lissa, with a number of anagrams, all composed of the letters in the words Domus Lescinia. The recitations closed with a heroic dance, in which each youth carried a shield in- scribed with a legend of the letters. After a new evolution, the boys exhibited the words Ades incolumis ; next, Omnis es lucida ; next, Omne sis lucida ; fifthly, Mane sidus loci; sixthly, Sis columna Dei ; and at the conclusion, / scande solium.
56 ALPHABETICAL WHIMS.
A TELEGRAM ANAGRAM MATISED.
Though but a late germ, with a wondrous elation,
Yet like a great elm it o'ershadows each station.
Et malgre the office is still a large fee mart,
So joyous the crowd was, you'd thought it a glee mart;
But they raged at no news from the nation's belligerent,
And I said let'm rage, since the air is refrigerant.
I then met large numbers, whose drink was not sherbet,
Who scarce could look up when their eyes the gas-glare met;
So when I had learned from commercial adviser
That mere gait for sand was the great fertilizer,
I bade Mr. Eaglet, although 'twas ideal,
Get some from the clay -pit, and so get'm real;
Then, just as my footstep was leaving the portal,
I met an elm targe on a great Highland mortal,
With the maid he had woo'd by the loch's flowery margelet,
And row'd in his boat, which for rhyme's sake call bargelet,
And blithe to the breeze would have set the sail daily,
But it blew at that rate which the sailors term gale, aye ;
I stumbled against the fair bride he had married,
When a merle gut at large from a cage that she carried ;
She gave a loud screech ! and I could not well blame her,
But lame as I was, I'd no wish to get lamer;
So I made my escape — ne'er an antelope fleeter,
Lest my verse, like the poet, should limp through lag metre.
Anagrams are sometimes found in old epitaphial inscriptions. For example, at St. Andrews : —
Catharine Carstairs, Casta vara Christiana. Chaste, rare Christian.
At Newenham church, Northampton : —
William Thorneton. 0 little worth in man.
At Keynsham : —
Mrs. Joane Flover. Love for anie.
At Mannington, 1631 :—
Katherine Lougher, Lower taken higher.
ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 57
Maitland has the following curious specimen : — How much there is in a word — monastery, says I : why, that makes nasty Rome; and when I looked at it again, it was evi- dently more nasty — a very vile place or mean sty. Ay, mon- ster, says I, you are found out. What monster? said the Pope. What monster? said I. Why, your own image there, stone Mary. That, he replied, is my one star, my Stella Maris, my treasure, my guide ! No, said I, you should rather say, my treason. Yet no arms, said he. No, quoth I, quiet may suit best, as long as you have no mastery, I mean money arts. No, said he again, those are Tory means; and Dan, my senator, will baffle them. I don't know that, said I, but I think one might make no mean story out of this one word — monastery.
CHRONOGRAMS.
Addison, in his remarks on the different species of false wit, (Spect. No. 60,) thus notices the chronogram. " This kind of wit appears very often on modern medals, especially those of Germany, when they represent in the inscription the year in which they were coined. Thus we see on a medal of Gustavus Adolphus the following words : —
ChrIstVs DuX ergo trIVMphVs. If you take the pains to pick the figures out of the several words, and range them in their proper order, you will find they amount to MDCXVWII, or 1627, the year in which the medal was stamped ; for as some of the letters distinguish themselves from the rest and overtop their fellows, they are to be considered in a double capacity, both as letters and as figures. Your laborious German wits will turn over a whole dictionary for one of these ingenious devices. A man would think they were searching after an apt classical term • but in- stead of that they are looking out a word that has an L, an M, or a D, in it. When therefore we meet with any of these in-
58 ALPHABETICAL WHIMS.
Bcriptions, we are not so much to look in thein for the thought as for the year of the Lord."
Apropos of this humorous allusion to the Germanesque character of the chronogram, it is worthy of notice that Euro- pean tourists find far more numerous examples of it in the in- scriptions on the churches on the banks of the Rhine than in any other part of the continent.
On the title-page of " Hugo Grotius Jit's Sophompaneas," the date, 1652, is not given in the usual form, but is included in the name of the author, thus : —
franCIs goLDsMIth.
Howell, in his German Diet, after narrating the death of Charles, son of Philip II. of Spain, says : —
If you desire to know the year, this chrouogram will tell you :
fILIVs ante DIeM patrIos InqVIrIt In annos. MDLVVIIIIIIII, or 1568.
The following commemorates the death of Queen Elizabeth : — My Day Is Closed In Immortality. (1603.)
A German book was issued in 1706, containing fac-similes and descriptions of more than two hundred medals coined in honor of Martin Luther. An inscription on one of them ex- presses the date of his death, 1546, as follows : —
ECCe nVnc MorltVs IVstVs In paCe ChrlstI exItV tVto et beato.
The most extraordinary attempt of this kind that has yet been made, bears the following title : —
Chronographica Gratulatio in Felicissimum adventum Se- renissimi CardinaUs Ferdinandi, Hispaniarum Infantis, a Cottegio Sue. Jesu.
A dedication to St. Michael and an address to Ferdinand are followed by one hundred hexameters, every one of which is a chronogram, and each gives the same result, 1634. The first and last verses are subjoined as a specimen.
AngeLe CasLIVogl MIChaeL LUX UnICa CastTJs. VersICULIs InCLUsa, fLUent In sseCULa CentUM.
PALINDROMES. 59
^alhttrromcs.
RECURRENT, RECIPROCAL, OR REVERSIBLE WORDS AND VERSES.
The only fair specimen we can find of reciprocal words, or those which, read backwards or forwards, are the same, is the following couplet, which, according to an old book, cost the author a world of foolish labor : —
Odo tenet mulum, madidam mulutn tenet Odo. Anna tenet mappam, madidam mappam tenet Anna.
The following admired reciprocal lines, addressed to St. Mar- tin by Satan, according to the legend, the reader will find on perusal, either backwards or forwards, precisely the same : —
Signa te signa ; temere me tangis et angis;
Roma tibi subito motibus ibit amor. [St. Martin having given up the profession of a soldier, and having been made Bishop of Tours, when prelates neither kept carriages nor servants, had occasion to go to Rome, in order to consult the Pope upon ecclesiastical matters. As he was walking along the road he met the devil, who politely accosted him, and ventured to observe how fatiguing and indecorous it was for him to perform so long a journey on foot, like the commonest pilgrim. The Saint understood the drift of Old Nick's address, and commanded him immediately to become a beast of burden, or jumentum; which the devil did in a twinkling by assuming the shape of a mule. The Saint jumped upon the fiend's back, who at first trotted cheerfully along, but soon slack- ened his pace. The bishop of course had neither whip nor spurs, but was possessed of a much more powerful stimulus, for, says the legend, he made the sign of the cross, and the smarting devil instantly galloped away. Soon however, and naturally euough, the father of sin returned to sloth and ob- stinacy, and Martin hurried him again with repeated signs of the cross, till, twitched and stung to the quick by those crossings so hateful to him, the vexed and tired reprobate uttered the foregoing distich in a rage, meaning, Cross, cross yourself; you annoy and vex me without necessity; for owing to my exertions, Rome, the object of your wishes, will soon be near.]
The Palindrome changes the sense in the backward reading ; the Versus Cancrinus retains the sense in both instances un- changed, as in this instance : —
Bei Leid lieh stets Heil die Lieb. (In trouble comfort is lent by love.)
60 PALINDROMES.
Similarly recurrent is the lawyer's motto, —
Si nummi immunis,
translated by Camden, " Give me my fee, I warrant you free."
The Greek inscription on the mosque of St. Sophia, in Con- stantinople,
Ni(pov dvo/j-TJ/iara i±-q /idvav o<piv*
presents the same words, whether read from left to right, or from right to left. So also the expressions in English, —
Madam, I'm Adam. {Adam to Eve.)
Name no one man.
Able was I ere I saw Elba. {Napoleon loq.)
Snug & raw was I ere I saw war & guns.
Red rum did emit revel ere Lever time did murder.
Red root put up to order.
Trash ? even interpret Nineveh's art.
Lewd did I live, evil I did dwel.
Draw pupil's lip upward.
This enigmatical line surrounds a figure of the sun in the mosaic pavement of Sa. Maria del Fiori, at Florence: — En giro torte sol ciclos et rotor igne.
These lines are supposed to be addressed to a young man de- tained at Rome by a love affair : —
Roma ibi tibi sedes — ibi tibi Amor; Roma etsi te terret et iste Amor, Ibi etsi vis te non esse — sed es ibi, Roma te tenet et Amor.
At Rome you live — at Rome you love ;
Prom Rome that love may you affright, Although you'd leave, you never move,
For love and Rome both bar your flight.
Dean Swift wrote a letter to Dr. Sheridan, composed of Latin words strung together as mere gibberish but each word, when
* Meaning in substance, Purify the mind as well at the body.
PALINDROMES. <)1
read backwards, makes passable English. Take for example the following short sentences : —
Mi sana. Odioso ni mus rem. Moto ima os illud dama nam ?
(I'm an ass. 0 so I do in summer. 0 Tom. am I so dull, I a mad man ?)
Inscription for a hospital, paraphrased from the Psalms : —
Acide me malo, sed non desola me, medica.
The ingenious Latin verses subjoined are reversible verbally only, not literally, and will be found to embody opposite mean- ings by commencing with the last word and reading back- wards : —
Prospicimus modo, quod durabunt tempore longo, Foedera, nee patriae pax cito diffugiet.
Diffugiet cito pax patriae, nee foedera longo, Tempore durabunt, quod modo prospicimus.
The following hexameter from Santa Marca Novella, Flo- rence, refers to the sacrifice of Abel (Gen. iv. 4). Reversed, it is a pentameter, and refers to the sacrifice of Cain (iv. 8).
Sacrum pingue dabo non macrum sacrificabo, Sacrificabo macrum non dabo pingue sacrum.
The subjoined distich arose from the following circumstance. A tutor, after having explained to his class one of the odes of Horace, undertook to dictate the same in hexameter verses, as an exercise (as he said). It cost him considerable trouble : he hesitated several times, and occasionally substituted other words, but finally succeeded. Some of his scholars thought he would not accomplish his task ; others maintained that, having begun, it was a point of honor to complete it.
Retro mente labo, non metro continuabo ; Continuabo metro ; non labo mente retro.
Addison mentions an epigram called the Witches' Prayer, that "fell into verse when it was read either backward or for- ward, excepting only that it cursed one way, and blessed the
other."
C
62 PALINDROMES.
One of the most remarkable palindromes on record is the following. Its distinguishing peculiarity is that the first letter of each successive word unites to spell the first word ; the second letter of each, the second word ; and so on throughout ; aud the same will be found precisely true on reversal.
SATOR AREPO TENET OPERA ROTAS.
But the neatest and prettiest specimen that has yet appeared comes from a highly cultivated lady who was attached to the court of Queen Elizabeth. Having been banished from the court on suspicion of too great familiarity with a nobleman then high in favor, the lady adopted this device, — the moon covered by a cloud, — and the following palindrome for a motto : —
ABLATA AT ALBA.
(Banished, but blameless.)
The merit of this kind of composition was never in any example so heightened by appropriateness and delicacy of sentiment.
Paschasius composed the recurrent epitaph on Henry IV. : —
Area serenum me gere regem, munere saora, Solein, areas, animos, omina sacra, melos.
A very curious continuous series of palindromes was printed in Vienna in 1802. It was written in ancient Greek by a modern Greek named Ambrosius, who called it Ilocij/ia xapxmxdv. It contains 455 lines, every one of which is a literal palin- drome. A few arc selected at random, as examples : —
'\aa Ttaai 2,'t; te yr/, 2t> d Movanytrrtf i{ anaoi, Titan a<70> /ieAk/xjiw, <j $i\c, JMbMrai' atv,
JZ Aaxa>.'(K£, at p.oi>u> ru No/it, at Ktvu) Ka\u>.
Aptra Trrjyaat at aa yr\ nartpa. XcottiP av too, <o t\st Stt Xkj oj tvg pi/ruf.
The following line is expressive of the sentiments of a Roman Catholic ; read backwards; of those of a Huguenot : — Patrutn dicta probo, nee sacris belligerabo. Belligerabo sacris, nee probo dicta patrutn.
PALINDROMES. 63
These lines, written to please a group of youthful folk, serve to show that our English tongue is as capable of being twisted into uncouth shapes as is the Latin, if any one will take the trouble : —
One winter's eve, around the fire, a cozy group we sat, Engaged, as was our custom old, in after-dinner chat; Small-talk it was, no doubt, because the smaller folk were there, And they, the young monpolists ! absorbed the lion's share. Conundrums, riddles, rebuses, cross-questions, puns atrocious, Taxed all their ingenuity, till Peter the precocious — Old head on shoulders juvenile — cried, "Now for a new task: Let's try our hand at Palindromes!" "Agreed! But first," we ask, "Pray, Peter, what are Palindromes?" The forward imp replied, " A Palindrome 's a string of words of sense or meaning void, Which reads both ways the same : and here, with your permission, I'll cite some half a score of samples, lacking all precision (But held together by loose rhymes, to test my definition): —
"A milksop, jilted by his lass, or wandering in his wits, Might murmur, 'Stiff, 0 dairy -man, in a myriad of Jits!'
"A limner by photography dead-beat in competition, Thus grumbled, 'No, it is opposed ; art sees trade's opposition !'
"A nonsense-loving nephew might his soldier-uncle dun
With 'Now stop, major-general, are negro jam-pots won?' "A supercilious grocer, if inclined that way, might snub
A child with 'But regusa store, babe, rots a sugar-tub.' " Thy spectre, Alexander, is a fortress, cried Hephaestion.
Great A. said, 'No, it's a bar of gold, a bad log for a bastion !' "A timid creature, fearing rodents — mice and such small fry —
' Stop, Syrian, I start at rats in airy spots,' might cry. "A simple soul, whose wants are few, might say, with hearty zest, ' Desserts I desire not, so long no lost one rise distressed.'
"A stern Canadian parent might in earnest, not in fun, Exclaim, 'No sot nor Ottawa law at Toronto, son !'
"A crazy dentist might declare, as something strange or new, That 'Paget sato an Irish tooth, sir, in a waste gap !' True !
" A surly student, hating sweets, might answer with elan, 'Name tarts? no, medieval slave, I demonstrate man !'
"He who in Nature's bitters findeth sweet food every day, 'Eureka ! till I pull up ill I take rue,' well might say."
G4 EQUIVOQUE.
(Epiboque.
COPY OF A LETTER WRITTEN BY CARDINAL RICHELIEU TO THE FRENCH AMBASSADOR AT ROME.
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EQUIVOQUE. 65
A LOVE-LETTER.
The reader, after perusing it, will please read it again, com- mencing on the first line, then the third and fifth, and so on, reading each alternate line to the end.
To Miss M-
— The great love I have hitherto expressed for you
is false and I find my indifference towards you — increases daily. The more I see of you, the more
you appear in my eyes an object of contempt. — I feel myself every way disposed and determined
to hate you. Believe me, I never had an intention — to offer you my hand. Our last conversation has
left a tedious insipidity, which has by no means — given me the most exalted idea of your character.
Your temper would make me extremely unhappy —and were we united, I should experience nothing but
the hatred of my parents added to the anything but — pleasure in living with you. I have indeed a heart
to bestow, but I do not wish you to imagine it — at your service. I could not give it to any one more
inconsistent and capricious than yourself, and less — capable to do honor to my choice and to my family.
Yes, Miss, I hope you will be persuaded that — I speak sincerely, and you will do me a favor
to avoid me. I shall excuse you taking the trouble — to answer this. Your letters are always full of
impertinence, and you have not a shadow of — wit and good sense. Adieu ! adieu ! believe mo
so averse to you, that it is impossible for me even — to be your most affectionate friend and humble
servant. L .
INGENIOUS SUBTERFUGE.
A young lady newly married, being obliged to show to her husband all the letters she wrote, sent the following to an inti- mate friend. The key is, to read the first and then every alternate line only.
— I cannot be satisfied, my dearest friend!
blest as I am in the matrimonial state, — unless I pour into your friendly bosom,
which has ever been in unison with mine, — the various sensations which swell E 6*
G6 EQUIVOQUE.
with the liveliest emotion of pleasure, — my almost bursting heart I tell you my dear
husband is the most amiable of men, —I have now been married seven weeks, and
never have found the least reason to — repent the day that joined us. My husband ia
both in person and manners far from resembling — ugly, cross, old, disagreeable, and jealous
monsters, who think by confining to secure — — a wife, it is his maxim to treat as a
bosom friend and confidant, and not as a — plaything, or menial slave, the woman
chosen to be his companion. Neither party — he says, should always obey implicitly;
but each yield to the other by turns. — An ancient maiden aunt, near seventy,
a cheerful, venerable, and pleasant old lady, — lives in the house with us; she is the de- light of both young and old; she is ci- — vil to all the neighborhood round,
generous and charitable to the poor. — I am convinced my husband loves nothing more
than he does me; he flatters me more —than a glass ; and his intoxication
(for so I must call the excess of his love) — often makes me blush for the unworthiness
of its object, and wish I could be more deserving — of the man whose name I bear. To
say all in one word, my dear, and to — crown the whole — my former gallant lover
is now my indulgent husband ; my husband — is returned, and I might have had
a prince without the felicity I find in — him. Adieu ! may you be blest as I am un- able to wish that I could be more — happy.
DOUBLE-FACED CREED.
The following cross-reading from a history of Popery, pub- lished in 1679, and formerly called in New England The Jesuits Creed, will suit either Catholic or Protestant accord- ingly as the lines are read downward in single columns or across the double columns : —
EQUIVOQUE. G7
Pro fide teneo sana Quae docet Anglicana,
AfGrmat quae Romana Videntur inihi vana.
Supremus quando rex est Turn plebs est fortunata,
Erraticus turn Grex est Cum caput fiat papa.
Altari cum ornatur Communio fit inanis,
Populus turn beatur Cum mensa vina panis.
Asini nomen meruit Hunc morom qui non capit,
Missam qui deseruit Catholicus est et sapit.
I hold for faith What England's church allows,
What Rome's church saith, My conscience disavows.
Where the king is head The flock can take no shame,
The flock's misled, Who hold the pope supreme.
Where the altar's drest The worship's scarce divine,
The people's blest, Whose table's bread and wine.
He's but an ass • Who their communion flies,
Who shuns the mass, Is Catholic and wise.
REVOLUTIONARY VERSES.
The author of the following Revolutionary double entendre, which originally appeared in a Philadelphia newspaper, is un- known. It may be read in three different ways, — 1st. Let the whole be read in the order in which it is written ; 2d. Then the lines downward on the left of each comma in every line; and 3d. In the same manner on the right of each comma. By the first reading it will be observed that the Revolutionary cause is condemned, and by the others, it is encouraged and lauded : —
Hark ! hark ! the trumpet sounds, the din of war's alarms,
O'er seas and solid grounds, doth call us all to arms ;
AVho for King George doth stand, their honors soon shall shine;
Their ruin is at hand, who with the Congress join.
The acts of Parliament, in them I much delight,
I hate their cursed intent, who for the Congress fight,
The Tories of the day, they are my daily toast,
They soon will sneak away, who Independence boast;
Who non-resistance hold, they have my hand and heart.
May they for slaves be sold, who act a Whiggish part;
On Mansfield, North, and Bute, may daily blessings pour,
Confusion and dispute, on Congress evermore;
To North and British lord, may honors still be done,
I wish a block or cord, to General Washington.
68
EQUIVOQUE.
THE HOUSES OP STUART AND HANOVER.
I love with all my heart The Hanoverian part And for that settlement My conscience gives consent Most righteous is the cause To fight for George's laws It is my mind and heart Though none will take my part
The Tory party here Most hateful do appear I ever have denied To be on James's side To fight for such a king Will England's ruin bring In this opinion I Resolve to live and die. Lansdowne MSS. 852
THE NEW REGIME.
The following equivoque was addressed to a republican at the commencement of the French Revolution, in reply, to the question, u What do you think of the new constitution V
A la nouvelle loi Je veux etre fidele
Je renonce dans l'ame Au regime ancien,
Comme fipreuve de ma foi Je crois la loi nouvelle
Je crois celle qu'on blame Opposee a tout bien ;
Dieu vous donne la paix Messieurs les democrats
Noblesse desolee Au diable allez-vous en ;
Qu'il confonde a, jamais Tous les Aristocrats
Messieurs de l'Assemblge Ont eux seuls le bon sens.
The newly made law From my soul I abhor My faith to prove good, I maintain the old code May God give you peace, Forsaken Noblesse, May He ever confound The Assembly all round
'Tis my wish to esteem The ancient regime I maintain the new code Is opposed to all good. Messieurs Democrats, To the devil go hence. All the Aristocrats Are the sole men of sense.
FATAL DOUBLE MEANING.
Count Valavoir, a general in the French service under Tu- renne, while encamped before the enemy, attempted one night to pass a sentinel. The sentinel challenged him, and the count answered " Va-la-voir" which literally signifies "Go and see." The soldier, who took the words in this sense, indig- nantly repeated the challenge, and was answered in the same manner, when he fired ; and the unfortunate Count fell dead upon the spot, — a victim to the whimsicality of his surname.
EQUIVOQUE.
G9
A TRIPLE PLATFORM.
Among the memorials of the sectional conflict of 18G1-5, is an American platform arranged to suit all parties. The first column is the Secession; the second, the Abolition platform; and the whole, read together, is the Democratic platform :—
Hurrah for
Secession
We fight for
The Confederacy
We love
The rebellion
We glory in
Separation
We fight not for
Reconstruction
We must succeed
The Union
We love not
We never said
We want
Foreign intervention
We cherish
The stars and bars
We venerate
Southern chivalry
Death to
Abe Lincoln
Down with
Law and order
The Old Union
Is a curse
The Constitution
Is a league with hell
Free speech
Is treason
A Free Press
Will not be tolerated
The negro's freedom
Must be obtained
At every hazard
We love
The negro
Let the Union slide
The Union as it was
Is played out
The old flag
Is a flaunting lie
The hecibua corpus
Is hateful
Jeff Davis
Isn't the Government
Mob law
Shall triumph.
LOYALTY, OR JACOBINISM?
This piece of amphibology was circulated among the United Irishmen, previous to the Rebellion of 1798. First, read the lines as they stand, then according to the numerals prefixed : —
1. I love my country — but the king,
3. Above all men his praise I sing,
2. Destruction to his odious reign,
4. That plague of princes, Thomas Paine,'
5. The royal banners are displayed,
7. And may success the standard aid
6. Defeat and ruin seize the cause
8. Of France her liberty and laws.
70 EQUIVOQUE.
NON COMMITTAL.
NEAT EVASION.
Bishop Egerton, of Durham, avoided three impertinent questions by replying as follows : —
1. What inheritance he received from his father?
"Not so much as he expected."
2. What was his lady's fortune ?
" Less than was reported."
3. What was the value of his living of Ross?
" More than he made of it."
A PATRIOTIC TOAST.
Most readers will remember the story of a non-committal editor who, during the Presidential canvass of 1872, desiring to propitiate subscribers of both parties, hoisted the ticket of
" Gr and n" at the top of his column, thus giving
those who took the paper their choice of interpretations be- tween "Grant and Wilson" and "Greeley and Brown." A story turning on the same style of point — and probably quite as apocryphal — though the author labels it "historique" — is told of an army officers' mess in France. A brother-soldier from a neighboring detachment having come in, and a cham- penoise having been uncorked in his honor, "Gentlemen," said the guest, raising his glass, "I am about to propose a toast at once patriotic and political." A chorus of hasty ejaculations and of murmurs at once greeted him. " Yes, gentlemen," coolly proceeded the orator, " I drink to a thing which — an object that — Bah ! I will out with it at once. It begins with an R and ends with an e."
" Capital !" whispers a young lieutenant of Bordeaux pro- motion. "He proposes the Repuhlique, without offending the old fogies by saying the word."
" Nonsense ! He means the Radicale" replies the other, an old Captain Cassel.
" Upon my word," says a third, as he lifts his glass, " our friend must mean la Royaute."
EQUIVOQUE. 71
"I see!" cries a one-legged veteran of Froschweilcr : "we drink to la Revanche."
In fact the whole party drank the toast heartily, each in- terpreting it to his liking.
In the hands ol a Swift, even so trivial an instance might be made to point a moral on the facility with which, alike in theology and politics — from Athanasran creed to Cincinnati or Philadelphia platform — men comfortably interpret to their own diverse likings some doctrine that "begins with an R and ends with an e" and swallow it with great unanimity and enthusiasm.
THE HANDWRITING ON THE WALL.
During the war of the Rebellion, a merchant of Milwaukee, who is an excellent hand at sketching, drew most admirably on the wall of his store a negro's head, and underneath it wrote, in a manner worthy of the Delphic oracle, "Dis-Union for eber." Whether the sentence meant loyalty to the Union or not, was the puzzling question which the gentleman him- self never answered, invariably stating to the inquirers, " Read it for yourselves, gentlemen." So from that day to this, as the saying goes, "no one knows how dat darkey stood on de war question."
Another question is puzzling the young ladies who attend a Western Female College. It seems that one of them dis- covered that some person had written on the outer wall of the college, " Young women should set good examples ; for young men will follow them." The question that is now perplexing the heads of several of the young ladies of the college is, whether the writer meant what he or she (the handwriting was rather masculine) wrote, in a moral sense or in an ironical one.
HOW FRENCH ACTRESSES AVOID GIVING THEIR AGE.
A servant robbed Mile. Mars of her diamonds one evening while she was at the theatre. Arrested, he was put upon trial, and witnesses were summoned to bear testimony to his guilt. Among these was Mile. Mars. She was greatly an-
72 EQUIVOQUE.
noyed at this, as, according to the rules of French practice, the witness, after being sworn, gives his age. Now the age of Mile. Mars was an impenetrable mystery, for it was a theme she never alluded to, and she possessed the art of arresting time's flight, or at least of repairing its ravages so effectually that her face never revealed acquaintance with more than twenty years. She was for some days evidently depressed; then, all at once, her spirits rose as buoyant as ever. This puzzled the court — for people in her eminent position always have a court; parasites are plenty in Paris — they did not know whetner she had determined frankly to confess her age, or whether she had hit upon some means of eluding this thorny point of practice.
The day of trial came, and she was at her place. The , court-room was filled, and when she was put in the witness- box every ear was bent towards her to catch the age she would give as her own. "Your name?" said the presiding judge. "Anne Francoise Hippolyte Mars." "What is your profes- sion?" "An actress of the French Comedy." "What is your age?" " ty years." "What?" inquired the pre- siding judge, leaning forward. " I have just told your honor!" replied the actress, giving one of those irresistible smiles which won the most hostile pit. The judge smiled in turn, and when he asked, as he did immediately, " Where do you live ?" hearty applause long prevented Mile. Mars from replying.
Mile. Cico was summoned before a court to bear witness in favor of some cosmetic assailed as a poison by victims and their physicians. All the youngest actresses of Paris were there, and they reckoned upon a good deal of merriment and profit when Mile. Cico came to disclose her age. She was called to the stand — sworn — gave her name and profession. When the judge said "How old are you?" she quitted the stand, went up to the bench, stood on tip-toe, and whispered in the judge's ear the malicious mystery. The bench smiled, and kept her secret.
THE CENTO. 73
&1je OTntto.
A cento primarily signifies a cloak made of patches. In poetry it denotes a work wholly composed of verses, or passages promiscuously taken from other authors and disposed in a new form or order, so as to compose a new work and a new mean- ing. According to the rules laid down by Ausonius, the author of the celebrated Nuptial Cento, the pieces may be taken from the same poet, or from several ; and the verses may be either taken entire, or divided into two, one half to be connected with another half taken elsewhere ; but two verses are never to be taken together.
The Empress Eudoxia wrote the life of Jesus Christ in centos taken from Homer. Proba Falconia, and, long after him, Alexander Ross, both composed a life of the Saviour, in the same manner, from Virgil. The title of Ross' work, which was republished in 1769, was Virgilius Evangelizans, sive Ms- toria Domini et Salvatoris nostri Jesu Christi Virgilianis verbis et versibus descripta.
Subjoined are some modern specimens of this literary con- fectionery, called in modern parlance
mosaic poetry.
I only knew she came and went Lowell.
Like troutlets in a pool ; Hood.
She was a phantom of delight, Wordsworth.
And I was like a fool. Eastman.
" One kiss, dear maid," I said and sighed, Coleridge.
" Out of those lips unshorn." Longfellow.
She shook her ringlets round her head, Stoddard.
And laughed in merry scorn. Tennyson.
Ring out, wild hells, to the wild sky .' Tennyson.
You hear them, oh my heart? Alice Gary.
'Tis twelve at night hy the castle clock, Coleridge,
Beloved, we must part ! Alice Cary.
"Come back! come back!" she cried in grief, Campbell.
"My eyes are dim with tears — Bayard TayUf
How bhall I live through all the days, Mrs. Osgood.
All tnrcugh a hundred years ?" T. S. Perry
7
74
THE CENTO.
'Twas in the prime of summer time, Hood.
She blessed me with her hand; Hoyt.
We strayed together, deeply blest, Mrs. Edwards.
Into the Dreaming Land. Cornwall.
The laughing bridal roses blow, Patmore.
To dress her dark brown hair; Bayard Taylor.
No maiden may with her compare, Brailsford.
Most beautiful, most rare ! Bead.
I clasped it on her sweet cold hand, Browning.
The precious golden link ; Smith.
I calmed her fears, ;.nd she was calm, Coleridge.
"Drink, pretty creature, drink!" Wordsioorth.
And so I won my Genevieve, Coleridge.
And walked in Paradise ; Hervey.
The fairest thing that ever grew Wordsworth,
Atween me and the skies. Osgood.
Breathes there a man with soul so dead, Who never to himself hath said,
Shoot folly as it flies ? Ah, more than tears of blood can tell, Are in that word farewell, farewell ;
'Tis folly to be wise.
And what is Friendship but a name That burns on Etna's breast of flame?
Thus runs the world away. Sweet is the ship that's under sail To where yon taper points the vale
With hospitable ray.
Drink to me only with thine eyes Through cloudless climes and starry skies,
My native land, good-night. Adieu, adieu, my native shore; 'Tis Greece, but living Greece no more.
Whatever is is right.
Oh, ever thus from childhood's hour, Daughter of Jove, relentless power, In russet mantle clad.
THE CENTO. 75
The rocks and hollow mountains rung While yet in early Greece she sung, I'm pleased, and yet I'm sad.
In sceptred pall come sweeping by, 0, thou, the nymph with placid eye,
By Philip's warlike son ; And on the light fantastic toe Thus hand-in-hand through life we'll go;
Good-night to Marmion.
LIFE.
1. — Why all this toil for triumphs of an hour? 2. — Life's a short summer, man a flower. 3. — By turns we catch the vital breath and die — 4. — The cradle and the tomb, alas ! so nigh.
5. — To be is better far than not to be, 6. — Though all man's life may seem a tragedy. 7. — But light cares speak when mighty griefs are dumb; 8. — The bottom is but shallow whence they come. 9. — Your fate is but the common fate of all, 10. — Unmingled joys, here, to no man befall.
11. — Nature to each allots his proper sphere, 12. — Fortune makes folly her peculiar care.
13. — Custom does not often reason overrule 14. — And throw a cruel sunshine on a fool.
15. — Live well, how long or short permit, to heaven ; 16. — They who forgive most, shall be most forgiven.
17. — Sin may be clasped so close we cannot see its face— 18. — Vile intercourse where virtue has not place.
19. — Then keep each passion down, however clear, 20. — Thou pendulum, betwixt a smile and tear;
21. — Her sensual snares let faithless pleasure lay, 22. — With craft and skill, to ruin and betray. 23. — Soar not too high to fall, but stop to rise ; 24. — We masters grow of all that wo despise. 25. — Oh then renounce that impious self-esteem ; 26. — Riches have wings and grandeur is a dream. 27. — Think not ambition wise, because 'tis brave, 28. — The paths of glory lead but to the grave.
76 THE CENTO.
29. — What is ambition ? 'Tis a glorious cheat, 30. — Only destructive to the brave and great.
31. — What's all the gaudy glitter of a crown ? 32. — The way to bliss lies not on beds of down.
33. — How long we live, not years but actions tell ; 34. — That man lives twice who lives the first life well.
35. — Make then, while yet ye may, your God your friend, 36. — Whom Christians worship, yet not comprehend.
37. — The trust that's given guard, and to yourself be just; 38. — For, live we how we can, yet die we must.
1. Young. 2. Dr. Johnson. 3. Pope. 4. Prior. 5. Sewell. 6. Spenser. 7. Daniel. 8. Sir Walter Kaleigh. 9. Longfellow. 10. Southwell. 11. Congreve. 12. Churchill. 13. Rochester. 14. Armstrong. 15. Milton. 16. Baily. 17. Trench. 18. Somervillo. 19. Thompson. 20. Byron. 21. Smollet. 22. Crabbe. 23. Massinger. 24. Crowley. 25. Beattie. 26. Cowper. 27. Sir Walter Davenant. 28. Grey. 29. Willis. 30. Addi- son. 31. Dryden. :32. Francis Quarles. 33. Watkins. 34. Herrick. 35. William Mason. 36. Hill. 37. Dana. 38. Shakespeare.
CENTO FROM POPE.
'Tis education forms the common mind ; Moral Essays.
A mighty maze ! but not without a plan. Essay on Man.
Ask of the learned the way ? The learned are blind ; " "
The proper study of mankind is man. " "
A little learning is a dangerous thing ; Essay on Criticism.
Some have at first for wits, then poets passed — " "
See from each clime the learned their incense bring, " "
For rising merit will buoy up at last. " "
Tell (for you can) what is it to be wise. — Essay on Man.
Virtue alone is happiness below ; " "
Honor and shame from no condition rise, " "
And all our knowledge is ourselves to know. " "
Who shall decide when doctors disagree ? Moral Essay.
One truth is clear, whatever is, is right. Essay on Man.
Since men interpret texts, why should not we January and May.
Read them by day and meditate by night ? Essay on Criticism.
BIBLICAL CENTO.
Cling to the Mighty One, Ps. lxxxix. 19.
Cling in thy grief; Heb. xii. 11.
Cling to the Holy One, Ps. xxxix. 18.
He gives relief; Ps. lxxxvi. 7.
THE CENTO.
Ii
Cling to the Gracious One,
Cling in thy pain; Cling to the Faithful One,
He will sustain.
Cling to the Living One,
Cling in thy woe; Cling to the Loving One,
Through all below : Cling to the Pardoning One,
He speaketh peace ; Cling to the Healing One,
Anguish shall cease.
Cling to the Bleeding One,
Cling to His side; Cling to the Risen One,
In Him abide; Cling to the Coming One,
Hope shall arise ; Cling to the Reigning One;
Joy lights thine eyes.
Ps. cxvi. 5. Ps. lv. 4. 1 Thess. v. 24. Ps. xxviii. 8.
neb. vii. 25. Ps. lxxxvi. 7. 1 John iv. 16. Rom. viii. 38, 39. Isa. lv. 7. John xiv. 27. Exod. xv. 26. Ps. cxlvii. 3.
1 John i. 7. John xx. 27. Rom. vi. 9. John xv. 4. Rev. xxii. 20. Titus ii. 13. Ps. xcvii. 1. Ps. xvi. 11.
THE RETURN OP ISRAEL. I will surely gather the remnant of Israel. — Micah ii. 12.
And the Temple again shall be built,
And filled as it was of yore; And the burden be lift from the heart of the world,
And the nations all adore ; Prayers to the throne of Heaven,
Morning and eve shall rise, And unto and not of the Lamb
Shall be the sacrifice. — Festus.
La many strange and Gentile lands Micah v. 8.
Where Jacob's scattered sons are driven, Jer. xxiii. 8.
With longing eyes and lifted hands, Lam. i. 17.
They wait Messiah's sign from heaven. Matth. xxiv. 30
The cup of fury they have quaffed, Isa. Ii. 17.
Till fainted like a weary flock ; Isa. Ii. 20.
But Heaven will soon withdraw the draught, Isa. Ii. 22.
And give them waters from the rock. Exod. xvii. 6.
What though their bodies, as the ground, Isa. Ii. 23.
Th' Assyrian long has trodden o'er ! Isa. lii. 4.
Zion, a captive daughter bound, Isa. lii. 2.
Shall rise to know her wrong no more. Isa. liv. 3, 4.
78
MACARONIC VERSE.
The veil is passing from her eyes, 2 Cor. iii. 16.
The King of Nations she shall see; Zech. xiv. 9.
Judea ! from the dust arise ! Isa. Iii. 2.
Thy ransomed sons return to thee ! Jer. xxxi. 17.
How gorgeous shall thy land appear, Isa. liv. 12.
When, like the jewels of a bride, Isa. xlix. 18.
Thy broken bands, all gathered there, Zech. xi. 14.
Shall clothe thy hills on every side ! Isa. xlix. 18.
When on thy mount, as prophets taught, Isa. xxiv. 23.
Shall shine the throne of David's Son ; Ezek. xxxviL 22.
The Gospel's latest triumphs brought Micah iv. 2.
Where first its glorious course begun. Luke xxiv. 47.
Gentiles and Kings, who thee oppressed, Isa. lx. 14.
Shall to thy gates with praise repair; Isa. lx. 11.
A fold of flocks shall Sharon rest, Isa. lxv. 10.
And clustered fruits its vineyard bear. Joel ii. 22.
Then shall an Eden morn illume Isa. Ii. 3.
Earth's fruitful vales, without a thorn : Isa. Iv. 13.
The wilderness rejoice and bloom, Isa. xxxv. 1.
And nations in a day be born. Zech. ii. 11.
The Lord his holy arm makes bare; Isa. Iii. 10.
Zion ! thy cheerful songs employ ! Zeph. iii. 14,
Thy robes of bridal beauty wear, Isa. Iii. 1.
And shout, ye ransomed race, for joy ! Isa. Hi. 9.
Jtaatmuc Vtx$z.
"A TREATISE OF WINE.'
The following specimen of macaronic verse, from the com- monplace book of Richard Hilles, who died in 1535, is probably the best of its kind extant. The scriptural allusions and the large intermixture of Latin evidently point to the refectory of some genial monastery as its source : —
The best tree if ye take intent,
Inter ligna fructifera, Is the vine tree by good argument,
Dulcia ferens pondera.
MACARONIC VERSE. 79
Saint Luke saith in his Gospel,
Arbor fructu noscitur, The vine beareth wine as I you tell,
Hinc aliis prasponitur.
The first that planted the vineyard,
Manet in coeli gaudio, His name was Noe, as I am learned,
Genesis testimonio.
God gave unto him knowledge and wit,
A quo procedunt omnia, First of the grape wine for to get,
Propter magna mysteria.
The first miracle that Jesus did,
Erat in vino rubeo, In Cana of Galilee it betide,
Testante Evangelio.
He changed water into wine,
Aquae rubescunt hydriae, And bade give it to Archetcline,
Ut gustet tunc primarie.
Like as the rose exceedeth all flowers,
Inter cuncta florigera, So doth wine all other liquors,
Dans multa salutifera.
David, the prophet, saith that wine
Laetificat cor hominis, It maketh men merry if it be fine,
Est ergo digni nominis.
It nourisheth age if it be good,
Facit ut esset juvenis, It gendereth in us gentle blood,
Nam venas purgat sanguinis.
By all these causes ye should think
Quae sunt rationabiles, That good wine should be best of all drink
Inter potus potabiles.
Wine drinkers all, with great honor,
Semper laudate Dominum, The which sendeth the good liquor
Propter salutem hominum.
80 MACARONIC VERSE.
Plenty to all that love good wine,
Donet Deus largius, And bring them some when they go hence,
Ubi non sitient amplius.
THE SUITOR WITH NINE TONGUES.
Tt coi Asyo), nupamiov,
Now that this fickle heart is won ?
Me semper amaturam te
And never, never, never stray ?
Herzsch'atzchen, Du verlangst zu viel
When you demand so strict a seal.
N'est-ce pas assez que je t'aime
Without remaining still the same?
Grij daarom geeft u liefde niet
If others may not have a treat.
Muy largo es mi corazon,
And fifty holds as well as one.
Non far nell' acqua buco che
I am resolved to have my way;
Im lo boteach atta bi,
I'm willing quite to set you free :
Be you content with half my time,
As half in English is my rhyme.
MAGINN'S ALTERNATIONS — HORACE, EPODE II.
Blest man, who far from busy hum,
Ut prisca gens mortalium,
Whistles his team afield with glee
Solutus omni fenore :
He lives in peace, from battles free,
Nee horret iratum mare ;
And shuns the forum, and the gay
Potentiorum limina.
Therefore to vines of purple gloss
Altas maritat populos,
Or pruning off the boughs unfit
Feliciores inserit.
* * * *
Alphius the usurer, babbled thus,
Jam jam futurus rusticus,
Called in his cast on th'Ides — but ho
Quserit Kalendis ponere.
MACARONIC VERSE. 81
CONTENTI ABEAMUS.
Come, jocund friends, a bottle bring,
And push around the jorum: We'll talk and laugh, and quaff and sing,
Nunc suavium amorum.
While we are in a merry mood,
Come, sit down ad bibendum; And if dull care should dare intrude,
We'll to the devil send him.
A moping elf I can't endure
While I have ready rhino; And all life's pleasures centre still
In venere ac vino.
Be merry then, my friends, I pray,
And pass your time in joco, For it is pleasant, as they say,
Desipere in loco.
He that loves not a young lass
Is sure an arrant stultus, And he that will not take a glass
Deserves to be sepultus.
Pleasure, music, love and wine
Res valde sunt jucundae, And pretty maidens look divine,
Provided ut sunt mundae.
I hate a snarling, surly fool,
Qui latrat sicut canis, Who mopes and ever eats by rule,
Drinks water and eats panis.
Give me the man that's always free,
Qui finit molli more, The cares of life, what'er they be;
Whose motto still is " Spero."
Death will turn us soon from hence,
Nigerrimas ad sedes; And all our lands and all our pence
Ditabunt tunc heredes.
Why should we then forbear to sport ?
Dum vivamus, vivamus, And when the Fates shall cut us down
Contenti abeamus.
82 MACARONIC VERSE.
FLY-LEAP SCRIBBLING.
Iste liber pertinet, And bear it well in mind,
Ad me, Johanneni Rixbrum, So courteous and so kind.
Quern si ego perdam, And by you it shall be found,
Redde mihi iterum, Tour fame I then will sound.
Sed si mihi redeas, Then blessed thou shalt be,
Et ago tibi gratias Whenever I thee see.
THE CAT AND THE RATS.
Felis sedit by a hole, Intentus he, cum omni soul,
Prendere rats Mice cucurrerunt trans the floor, In nurnero duo, tres, or more —
Obliti cats.
Felis saw them, oculis;
" I'll have them," inquit he, " I guess,
Dum ludunt." Tunc ille crept toward the group, " Habeam," dixit, " good rat soup —
Pingues sunt."
Mice continued all ludere, Intenti they in ludum vere,
Gaudenter. Tunc rushed the felis into them, Et tore them omnes limb from limb,
Violenter.
Mures omnes, nunc be shy, Et aurem prasbe mihi,
Benigne. Sit hoc satis — "verbum sat," Avoid a whopping big tom-cat
Studiose.
MACARONIC VERSE. 83
POLYGLOT INSCRIPTION.
The following advertisement in five languages, is inscribed on the window of a public house in Germany : —
In questa casa trovarete
Toutes les choses que vous souhaitez;
Vinum bonuru, costas, carnes,
Neat post-chaise, and horse and harness.
Bouj, opvfies, ix$us> apves.
PARTING ADDRESS TO A FRIEND,
Written by a German gentleman on the termination of a very agreeable, but brief acquaintance.
I often wished I had a friend,
Dem ich mich anvertrauen konnt',
A friend in whom I could confide,
Der mit mir theilte Freud und Leid ;
Had I the riches of Girard —
Ich theilte mit ihm Haus und Heerd;
For what is gold ? 'tis but a passing metal,
Der Henker hoi' fiir mich den ganzen Bettel.
Could I purchase the world to live in it alone,
Ich gab' dafiir nicht eine hohle Bohn';
I thought one time in you I'd find that friend,
Und glaubte schon mein Sehnen hat ein End;
Alas! your friendship lasted but in sight,
Doch meine grenzet an die Ewigkeit.
AM RHEIN.
Oh, the Rhine — the Rhine — the Rhine — Comme c'est beau ! wie schon ! che bello !
He who quaffs thy Luft und Wein, Morbleu ! is a lucky fellow.
How I love thy rushing streams,
Groves of ash and birch and hazel, From Schaffhausen's rainbow beams
Jusqu'a. l'echo d'Oberwesel !
Oh, que j'aime thy Bruchen when
The crammed Dampfschiff gayly passes! —
84 MACARONIC VERSE.
Love the bronzed pipes of thy men, And the bronzed cheeks of thy lasses !
Oh, que j'airne the "oui," the "bah," From thy motley crowds that flow,
With the universal "ja,' And the allgenieine " so" !
THE DEATH OP THE SEA SERPENT.
Anna virumque cano, qui first in Monongahela
Tarnally squampushed the sarpent, mittens horrentia tella.
Musa, look sharp with your Banjo ! I guess to relate this event, I
Shall need all the aid you can give; so nunc aspirate canenti.
Mighty slick were the vessels progressing, Jactata per asquora ventis,
But the brow of the skipper was sad, cum solicitudine mentis;
For whales had been scarce in those parts, and the skipper, so long as
he'd known her, Ne'er had gathered less oil in a cruise to gladden the heart of her owner. "Darn the whales," cries the skipper at length, "with a telescope forte
videbo Aut pisces, aut terras." While speaking, just two or three points on the
lea bow, He saw coming towards them as fast as though to a combat 'twould
tempt 'em, A monstrum horrendum informe (qui lumen was shortly ademptum). On the taffrail up jumps in a hurry, dux fortis, and seizing a trumpet,
Blows a blast that would waken the dead, mare turbat et aera rumpit
"Tumble up all you lubbers," he cries, "tumble up, for careering be- fore us Is the real old sea sarpent himself, cristis maculisque decorus." " Consarn it," cried one of the sailors, " if e'er we provoke him he'll kill us, He'll certainly chaw up hos morsu, et longis, implexibus illos." Loud laughs the bold skipper, and quick premit alto corde dolorem ; (If he does feel like running, he knows it won't do to betray it before 'em). " 0 socii ", inquit. " I'm sartin you're not the fellers to funk, or Shrink from the durem certamen, whose fathers fit bravely at Bunker You, who have waged with the bears, and the buffalo, proelia dura, Down to the freshets, and licks of our own free enlightened Missourer; You could whip your own weight, catulus stevis sine telo, Get your eyes skinned in a twinkling, et ponite tela phsesello !" Talia voce refert, curisque ingentibus reger,
Marshals his cute little band, now panting their foes to beleaguer Swiftly they lower the boats, and swiftly each man at the oar is, Excipe Britanni timidi duo, virque coloris.
CONCATENATION OR CHAIN VERSE. 85
(Blackskin, you know, never feels, how sweet, 'tis pro patria niori;
Ovid had him in view when he said, " Niniium ne crede colori.")
Now swiftly they pull towards the monster, who seeing the cutter and
gig nigh, Glares at them with terrible eyes, suffectis sanguine et igni, And, never conceiving their chief will so quickly deal him a floorer, Opens wide to receive them at once, his Unguis vibrantibis ora ; But just as he's licking his lips, and gladly preparing to taste 'em, Straight into his eyeball the skipper stridentem conjicit hastam. Sti-aight as he feels in his eyeball the lance, growing mightly sulky, At 'em he comes in a rage, ora minax, lingua trusulca. "Starn all," cry the sailors at once, for they think he has certainly
caught 'em, Prajsentemque viris intentant omnia mortem. But the bold skipper exclaims, " 0 terque quaterque beati ! Now with a will dare viam, when I want you, be only parati ; This hoss feels like raising his hair, and in spite of his scaly old cortex, Full soon you shall see that his corpse rapidus vorat asquore vortex." Hoc ait, and choosing a lance : " With this one I think I shall hit it, He cries, and straight into his mouth, ad intima viscera mittit. Screeches the creature in pain, and writhes till the sea is commotum, As if all its waves had been lashed in a tempest per Eurum et Notum. Interea terrible shindy Neptunus sensit, et alto
Prospiciens sadly around, wiped his eye with the cuff of his paletSt; And, mad at his favorite's fate, of oaths uttered one or two thousand, Such as " Corpo di Bacco ! Mehercle ! Sacre ! Mille Tonnerres ! Potz-
tausend !" But the skipper, who thought it was time to this terrible fight dare fincm, With a scalping-knife jumps on the neck of the snake secat et dextra,
crinem, And hurling the scalp in the air, half mad with delight to possess it, Shouts " Darn it — I've fixed up his flint, for in ventos vita reeessit !"
Concatenation or (Eijatn Vzx$z.
lasphrise's novelties.
Lasphrise, a French poet of considerable merit, claims the invention of several singularities in verse, and among them the following, in which it will be found that the last word of every
line is the first word of the following line : —
s
86 CONCATENATION OR CHAIN VERSE.
Falloit-it que le ciel me rendit amoureux, Araoureaux, jouissant d'une beaute craintive, Craintive a recevoir douceur excessive, Excessive au plaisir qui rend raruant heureux ? Heureux si nous avions quelques paisibles lieux, Lieux ou plus surement l'ami fidele arrive, Arrive sans soupcon de quelque ami attentive, Attentive a, vouloir nous surprendre tous deux.
Subjoined are examples in our own vernacular : —
TO DEATH.
The longer life, the more offence ;
The more oiTence, the greater pain; The greater pain, the less defence;
The less defence, the lesser gain — The loss of gain long ill doth try, Wherefore, come, death, and let me die.
The shorter life, less count I find ;
The less account, the sooner made; The count soon made, the merrier mind ;
The merrier mind doth thought invade- Short life, in truth, this thing doth try, Wherefore, come, death, and let me die.
Come, gentle death, the ebb of care;
The ebb of care the flood of life ; The flood of life, the joyful fare;
The joyful fare, the end of strife — The end of strife that thing wish I, Wherefore, come, death and let me die.
TRUTH.
Nerve thy soul with doctrines noble,
Noble in the walks of Time, Time that leads to an eternal,
An eternal life sublime ; Life sublime in moral beauty,
Beauty that shall ever be, Ever be to lure thee onward,
Onward to the fountain free; Free to every earnest seeker,
Seeker at the Fount of Youth, Youth exultant in its beauty,
Beauty found in the quest of Truth.
CONCATENATION OR CHAIN VERSE. 87
TRYING SKYING.
Long I looked into the sky,
Sky aglow with gleaming stars, Stars that stream their courses high,
High and grand, those golden cars, Cars that ever keep their track,
Track untraced by human ray, Ray that zones the zodiac,
Zodiac with milky-way, Milky-way where worlds are sown,
Sown like sands along the sea, Sea whose tide and tone e'er own,
Own a feeling to be free, Free to leave its lowly place,
Place to prove with yonder spheres, Spheres that trace athrough all space,
Space and years — unspoken years.
A RINGING SONG.
The following gem is from an old play of Sbakspeare'g time, called The True Trojans : —
The sky is glad that stars above
Do give a brighter splendor ; The stars unfold their flaming gold,
To make the ground more tender: The ground doth send a fragrant smell,
That air may be the sweeter ; The air doth charm the swelling seas
With pretty chirping metre; The sea with rivers' water doth
Feed plants and flowers so dainty ; The plants do yield their fruitful seed,
That beasts may live in plenty ; The beasts do give both food and cloth,
That men high Jove may honor; And so the World runs merrily round,
When Peace doth smile upon her ! Oh, then, then oh ! oh then, then oh !
This jubilee last forever; That foreign spite, or civil fight,
Our quiet trouble never !
BOUTS RIMfiS.
HSouts Mimes.
Bouts Rimes, or Rhyming Ends, afford considerable amuse- ment. They are said by Goujet to have been invented by Dulot, a French poet, who had a custom of preparing the rhymes of sonnets, leaving them to be filled up at leisure. Having been robbed of his papers, he was regretting the loss of three hundred sonnets. His friends were astonished that he had written so many of which they had never heard. " They were blank sonnets," said he, and then explained the mystery by describing his " Bouts Rimes." The idea appeared ridicu- lously amusing, and it soon became a fashionable pastime to collect some of the most difficult rhymes, and fill up the lines. An example is appended : —
nettle,
pains.
mettle.
remains.
natures.
rebel.
graters.
well.
The rhymes may be thus completed : —
Tender-handed stroke a nettle,
And it stings you for your pains ; Grasp it like a man of mettle,
And it soft as silk remains. 'Tis the same with common natures,
Use them kindly, they rebel ; But be rough as nutmeg-graters,
And the rogues obey you well.
A sprightly young belle, who was an admirer of poetry, would often tease her beau, who had made some acquaintance with the muses, to write verses for her. One day, becoming quite im- portunate, she would take no denial. " Come, pray, do now write some poetry for me — won't you ? I'll help you out. I'll
BOUTS rim£s. 89
furnish you with rhymes if you will make lines for them. Here now : —
please, moan,
tease, bone."
He at length good-humoredly complied, and filled up the measure as follows : —
To a form that is faultless, a face that must — please, Is added a restless desire to — tease ; 0, how my hard fate I should ever be — moan, Could I but believe she'd be bone of my — bonel
Mr. Bogart, a young man of Albany, who died in 1826, at the age of twenty-one, displayed astonishing facility in im- promptu writing.
It was good-naturedly hinted on one occasion that his " im- promptus" were prepared beforehand, and he was asked if he would submit to the application of a test of his poetic abilities. He promptly acceded, and a most difficult one was immediately proposed.
Among his intimate friends were Col. J. B. Van Schaick and Charles Fenno Hoffman, both of whom were present. Said Van Schaick, taking up a copy of Byron, "The name of Lydia Kane" (a lady distinguished for her beauty and cleverness, who died a few years ago, but who was then just blushiug into womanhood) " has in it the same number of letters as a stanza of Childe Harold has lines : write them down in a column." They were so written by Bogart, Hoffman, and himself. " Now," he continued, " I will open the poem at random ; and for the ends of the lines in Miss Lydia's Acrostic shall be used the words ending those of the verse on which my finger may rest." The stanza thus selected was this : —
And must they fall, the young, the proud, the brave,
To swell one bloated chief's unwholesome reign?
No step between submission and a grave ?
The rise of rapine and the fall of Spain ?
And doth the Power that man adores ordain
Their doom, nor heed the suppliant's appeal ?
Is all that desperate valor acts in vain?
And counsel sage, and patriotic zeal,
The veteran's skill, youth's fire, and manhood's heart of steel?
90 BOUTS RIMES.
The following stanza was composed by Bogart within the succeeding ten minutes, — the period fixed in a wager, — finished before his companions had reached a fourth line, and read to them as here presented :* —
L ovely and loved, o'er the unconquered brave
Y our charms resistless, matchless girl, shall reign !
D ear as the mother holds her infant's grave
I n Love's own region, warm, romantic Spain !
A nd should your fate to court your steps ordain,
K ings would in vain to regal pomp appeal,
A nd lordly bishops kneel to you in vain,
N or valor's fire, law'.? power, nor churchman's zeal
E ndure 'gainst love's (time's up !) untarnished steel.
The French also amuse themselves with bouts rimfe retournSs, in which the rhymes are taken from some piece of poetry, but the order in which they occur is reversed. The following ex- ample is from the album of a Parisian lady of literary celebrity, the widow of one of the Crimean heroes. The original poem is by Alfred de Musset, the retournis by Marshal Pelissier, who improvised it at the lady's request. In the translation which ensues, the reversed rhymes are carefully preserved.
BY DE MUSSET.
Quand la fugitive esperance
Nous pousse le coude en passant,
Puis a tire d'ailes s'elance
Et se retourne en souriant,
Ou va l'homme? ou son coeur l'appelle;
L'hirondelle suit le z6phir,
Et moins legere est l'hirondelle
Que l'homme qui suit son desir.
Ah ! fugitive enchanteresse,
Sais-tu seulement ton chemin?
Faut-il done que le vieux destin
Ait une si jeune maitresse !
BY PELISSIEB, DUC DE MALAKOFF.
Pour chanter la jeune maitresse Que Musset donne au vieux destin,
* The truth of this circumstance was confirmed by Mr. Hoffman in the course of a conversation upon that and similar topics several years after- ward.
BOUTS RIMfiS. 91
J'ai trop parcouru de chemin Sans atteindre l'enchantorcsse ; Toujours vers cet ancien desir J'ai tendu comme l'hirondelle, Mais sans le secours du zephir Qui la porte oil son cceur l'appelle. Adieu, fantome souriant, Vers qui la jeunesse s'elance, La raison me crie en passant; Le souvenir vaut l'esperance.
TRANSLATION.
When Hope, a fugitive, retreating Elbows us, as away she flies, Tben swift returns, another greeting To offer us with laughing eyes. Man goeth when his heart is speaking, The swallows through the zephyrs dart, And man, who's every fancy seeking, Hath yet a more inconstant heart. Enchantress, fugitive, coquetting! Know'st thou then true, alone, thy way ? Hath then stern Fate, so old and gray, So young a mistress never fretting?
REVERSED RHYMES.
To sing the mistress, never fretting, Musset gives Fate, so old and gray, Too long I've travelled on my way, And ne'er attained her dear coquetting. To find that longing of the heart, I've been, like yonder swallow, seeking, Yet could not through the zephyrs dart, Nor reach the wish the heart is speaking. Adieu then, shade, with laughing eyes, Towards whom youth ever sends its greeting ; Better, cries Reason, as she flies, Remembrance now, than Hope retreating.
Among the eccentricities of literature may be classed Rhopalic verse*, which begin with a monosyllable and gradually increase the length of each successive word. The name was suggested by the shape of Hercules' club, p6na\ov. Sometimes they run from the butt to the handle of the club. Take as an example of each, —
Rem tibi confeci, doctissime, dulcisonoram. Yectigalibus armamenta referro jubet Rex.
92 EMBLEMATIC POETRY.
ISmfclemattc ^oetrg.
A pair of scissors and a comb in verse. — Ben Jonson.
On their fair standards by the wind displayed,
Eggs, altars, wings, pipes, axes, were portrayed. — Scribleriad.
The quaint conceit of making verses assume grotesque shapes and devices, expressive of the theme selected by the writer, appears to have been most fashionable during the seven- teenth century. Writers tortured their brains in order to tor- ture their verses into all sorts of fantastic forms, from a flower- pot to an obelisk, from a pin to a pyramid. Hearts and fans and knots were chosen for love-songs ; wineglasses, bottles, and casks for Bacchanalian songs; pulpits, altars, and monu- ments for religious verses and epitaphs. Tom Nash, according to Disraeli, says of Gabriel Harvey, that "he had writ verses in all kinds : in form of a pair of gloves, a pair of spectacles, a pair of pot-hooks, &c." Puttenham, in his Art of Poesie, gives several odd specimens of poems in the form of lozenges, pillars, triangles, &c. Butler says of Benlowes, " the excel- lently learned," who was much renowned for his literary freaks, " As for temples and pyramids in poetry, he has out- done all men that way; for he has made a grid-iron and a frying-pan in verse, that, besides the likeness in shape, the very tone and sound of the words did perfectly represent the noise made by these utensils ! When he was a captain, he made all the furniture of his horse, from the bit to the crupper, the beaten poetry, every verse being fitted to the proportion of the thing, with a moral allusion to the sense of the thing : as the bridle of moderation, the saddle of content, and the crup- per of constancy ; so that the same thing was the epigram and emblem, even as a mule is both horse and ass." Mr. Alger tells us that the Oriental poets are fond of arranging their poems in the form of drums, swords, circles, crescents, trees, &c, and that the Alexandrian rhetoricians used to amuse themselves by writing their satires and invectives in the shape of an axe or a
EMBLEMATIC POETRY.
93
spear. He gives the following erotic triplet, composed by a Hindu poet, the first line representing a bow, the second its string, the third an arrow aimed at the heart of the object of his passion : —
a art the fairest slaye .
,&1 <a
Those charms to win, with all my empire I would gladly part
vr -a
THE WINE GLASS.
Who hath woe? Who hath sorrow?
Who hath contentions ? Who
hath wounds without cause?
Who hath redness of eyes?
They that tarry long at the
wine! They that go to
seek mixed wine. Look
not thou upon the
wine when it is red,
when it giveth its
color in the
cup;
when it
moveth itself
aright
At
the last
it biteth like a
serpent, and stingeth like an adder.
94 EMBLEMATIC POETRY.
The following specimen of this affectation was written by George Wither, who lived from 1588 to 1677. It is called by Mr. Ellis a
RHOMBOIDAL DIRGE.
Farewell,
Sweet groves, to you !
You hills that highest dwell,
And all you humble vales, adieu !
You wanton brooks and solitary rooks,
My dear companions all, and you my tender flocks !
Farewell, my pipe! and all those pleasing songs whose moving strains
Delighted once the fairest nymphs that dance upon the plains.
You discontents, whose deep and over-deadly smart
Have without pity broke the truest heart,
Sighs, tears, and every sad annoy,
That erst did with me dwell,
And others joy,
Farewell !
The Christian monks of the Middle Ages, who amused them- selves similarly, preferred for their hymns the form of
THE CROSS.
Blest they who seek,
While in their youth,
With spirit meek,
The way of truth. To them the Sacred Scriptures now display, Christ as the only true and living way : His precious blood on Calvary was given To make them heirs of endless bliss in heaven. And e'en on earth the child of God can trace The glorious blessings of his Saviour's face.
For them He bore
His Father's frown,
For them He wore
The thorny crown ;
Nailed to the cross,
Endured its pain,
That his life's loss
Might be their gain.
Then haste to choose
That better part —
Nor dare refuse
The Lord your heart,
Lest Ho declare, —
"I know you not;"
And deep despair
Shall be your lot. Now look to Jesus who on Calvary died, And trust on Him alone who there was crucified.
EMBLEMATIC POETRY.
95
A. CURIOUS PIECE OP ANTIQUITY, ON THE CRUCIFIXION OP OUR SAVIOUR AND TIIE TWO THIEVES.
I come to Thee;
To hear me wretch, oh,
Did never close.
Let not, 0 God!
And numberless, bet
And my poor soul be t
Thou,
Lord! remember ^ est th
I CO
ThM
Be th
My crown his
And th
Quit my ao-
0 beg for
Thoc Chri
The liv
And but
All o
For by th
Oh hear
Lest s
Oh Lord I my
In
And at the do
To liv
not, Lor3, wit <*> at I by my S
' his wound
[ orns, my dea
i my bles
, unts, with
• my h forgi ; fount, the li
' thee
[ er helps a
, cross my
, en then, wh
> and death sin
> od ! my way ' eath defe Met
' with the
bow down thy blossed ears let thine eyes, which sleep T behold a sinner weep. £ my God! my faults, though great een thy mercy-seat rown, since we are taught,
#> any o
§> viour #
"■$> my balm, his st ^
XSJfeJfL I
t ^ Redeemer,
h <§>old thy
o «§> pes on the •<■<
v & e, as well as pay *
f # e, the wa #
o T whither
r f e Tain, giv X
s a aviug hea ,-i,
a It I with <♦»
k ♦• me forev <|>
e & a direct
n «^d,thatfromtheeI'j|
e be raise
Sweet Jes
sought.
the<m r merit Ch t rist inherit : ri T pes my bliss, st $ in his, Sal viour GodI v A, engeful rod ;
e <§> are set, th «p e debt. y f I know;
s T hould I go?
e 2 thine to me;
1 & th must be.
f .». aith implore,
e <& r more.
a «£ nd keep, e'er slip;
d T then, us X say, Amenl
EXPLANATION.
The middle cross represents our Saviour; those on either side, the two thieves. On the top and down the middle cross are our Saviour's expression, "My God! My God! why hast thou forsaken me?" and on the top of the cross is the Latin inscription, "INRI" — Jesus Nazarenus Rex Judjeorum, i.e. Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Jews. Upon the cross on the right hand '.s the prayer of one of the thieves: — "Lord! remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom." On the left-hand cross is the saying, or reproach, of tho other: — "If thou beest the Christ, save thyself and us." The whole, comprised together, makes a piece of excellent poetry, which is to bo read across all the columns, and makes as many lines as there are letters in the alphabet. It ia perhaps one of the most curious pieces of composition to be found on record.
96 EMBLEMATIC COMPOSITION.
INGENIOUS CYPHER
The following was written by Prof. Whewell at the request
of a young lady : —
U 0 a 0 but I 0 U,
0 0 no 0 but 0 0 me;
0 let not my 0 a 0 go,
But give 0 0 I 0 U so. Th us de-cyphered : (You sigh for a cypher, but I sigh for you ; 0 sigh for no cypher, but 0 sigh for me : 0 let not my sigh for a cypher go, But give sigh for sigh, for I sigh for you SO.)
TYPOGRAPHICAL.
We once saw a young man gazing at the *ry heavens, with a f in 1 JUgg*" and a , — > — . of pistols in the other. We endeavored to attract his attention by .ing to a ^[ in a paper we held in our B®°, relating 2 a young man in that § of the country, who had left home in a state of mental derangement. He dropped the f and pistols from his B§§~°^g with the !
"It is I of whom U read. I left home be4 my friends knew of my design. I had sO the S&^ of a girl who refused 2 lislO
2 me, but smiled b9nly on another. I ed madly from the
house, uttering a wild ' 2 the god of love, and without replying 2 the ??? of my friends, came here with this f & , — « — , of pis- tols, 2 put a . 2 my existence. My case has no || in this §."
OXFORD JOKE.
A gentleman entered the room of Dr. Barton, Warden of Merton College, and told him that Dr. Vowel was dead. "What!" said he, "Dr. Vowel dead! well, thank heaven it was neither U nor I."
In an old church in Westchester county, N. Y., the following consonants are written beside the altar, under the Ten Com- mandments. What vowel is to be placed between them, to make sense and rhyme of the couplet?
P. R. S. V. R. Y. P. R. F. C. T. M. N. V. R. K. P. T. H. S. P. R. C. P. T. S. T. N.
EMBLEMATIC POETRY. 97
ESSAY TO MISS CATHARINE JAY. An S A now I mean 2 write
2 U sweet K T J, The girl without a ||,
The belle of U T K.
1 1 der if U got that 1
1 wrote 2 U B 4
I sailed in the R K D A, And sent by L N Moore.
My M T head will scarce contain
A calm IDA bright But A T miles from U I must
M-*- this chance 2 write.
And 1st, should N E N V U,
B E Z, mind it not, Should N E friendship show, B true;
They should not B forgot.
From virt U nev R D V 8 ;
Her influence B 9 A like induces 10 dern S,
Or 40 tude D vine.
And if U cannot cut a
Or cut an ! I hope U'll put a .
2 1?.
R U for an X ation 2,
My cous N ? — heart and JS&* He off R's in a f
A § 2 of land.
He says he loves U2XS,
U R virtuous and Y's, InXLNCUXL
All others in his i's.
This S A, until U I C,
I pray U 2 X Q's, And do not burn in F E G
My young and wayward muse.
Now fare U well, dear KTJ,
I trust that U R true — When this U C, then you can say,
An S A I 0 U. 9
98 MONOSYLLABLES.
" And ten low words oft creep in one dull line."
Some of our best writers have very properly taken exception to the above line in Pope's Essay on Criticism, and have shown, by reference to abundant examples, that many of the finest pass- ages in our language are nearly, if not altogether, monosyllabic. Indeed, it could not well be otherwise, if it be true that, as Dean Swift has remarked, the English language is " over- stocked with monosyllables." It contains more than five hundred formed by the vowel a alone ; four hundred and fifty by the vowel e; nearly four hundred by the vowel %; more than four hundred by the vowel o; and two hundred and sixty by the vowel u ; besides a large number formed by diphthongs. Floy has written a lengthy and very ingenious article, entirely in monosyllables, in which he undertakes, as he says, to "prove that short words, in spite of the sneer in the text, need not creep, nor be dull, but that they give strength, and life, and fire to the verse of those who know how to use them."
Pope himself, however, has confuted his own words by his admirable writings more effectively than could be done by labored argument. Many of the best lines in the Essay above referred to, as well as in the Essay on Man, — and there are few "dull" or "creeping" verses to be found in either, — are made up entirely of monosyllables, or contain but one word of greater length, or a contracted word pronounced as one syllable. The Universal Prayer — one of the most beautiful and elaborate pieces, both in sentiment and versification, ever produced in any language — contains three hundred and four words, of which there are two hundred and forty-nine monosyllables to fifty-five polysyllables, thus averaging but one of the latter to every line. A single stanza is appended as a specimen : —
If I am right, thy grace impart
Still in the right to stay; If I am wrong, oh, teach my heart To find that better way 1
MONOSYLLABLES. 99
Rogers, conversing on this subject, cited two lines from Eloisa to Ahelard, which he declared could not possibly be improved : —
Pant on thy lip, and to thy heart be press'd ; Give all thou canst — and let me dream the rest.
Among the illustrations employed by Floy, are numerous selections from the hymnology in common congregational use, such as the following : —
Sweet is the work, my God, my King,
To praise thy name, give thanks, and sing;
To show thy love by morning light,
And talk of all thy truth at night. — Watts.
Are there no foes for me to face ?
Must I not stem the flood ? Is this vile world a friend to grace
To help me on to God ? — Watts.
Save me from death ; from hell set free ;
Death, hell, are but the want of thee :
My life, my only heav'n thou art, —
0 might I feel thee in my heart ! — C. Wesley.
The same writer, to show Shakspeare's fondness for small words, and their frequent subservience to some of his most masterly efforts, enters upon a monosyllabic analysis of King Lear, quoting from it freely throughout. Those who read the play with reference to this point will be struck with the re- markable number of forcible passages made up of words of one syllable : —
Thou know'st the first time that we smell the air,
We wawl and cry : I will preach to thee ; mark me.
When we are born, we cry that we are come
To this great stage of fools. — This a good block? — Act IV. Sc. 6.
The following occurs in the play of King John, where the King is pausing in his wish to incite Hubert to murder Arthur : —
Good friend, thou hast no cause to say so yet ; But thou shalt have ; and creep time ne'er so slow, Yet it shall come, for me to do thee good. I had a thing to say. — But let it go. — Act III. Sc. 3.
100 MONOSYLLABLES.
But who I was, or where, or from what cause, Knew not ; to speak I tried, and forthwith spake
Thou sun, said I, fair light,
And thou enlightened earth, so fresh and gay,
Ye hills, and dales, ye rivers, woods, and plains,
And ye that live and move, fair creatures, tell,
Tell, if ye saw how I came thus, how here ? —
Tell me, how may I know Him, how adore,
Prom whom I have that thus I move and live ? — Paradise Lost, S. Till.
Herrick says, in his address to the daffodils : —
We have short time to stay as you,
We have as short a spring ; As quick a growth to meet decay
As you or any thing.
We die
As your hours do, and dry
Like to the rain,
Or as the pearls of dew.
Now I am here, what thou wilt do for me,
None of my hooks will show ; I read, and sigh, and wish I were a tree,
For sure I then should grow To fruit or shade : at least some hird might trust Her household to me, and I should be just.— George Herbert.
Thou who hast given me eyes to see
And love this sight so fair, Give me a heart to find out Thee,
And read Thee everywhere. — Keble.
The hell strikes one. We take no note of time Save by its loss ; to give it then a tongue Were wise in man. — Young.
Ah, yes ! the hour is come When thou must haste thee home,
Pure soul ! to Him who calls. The God who gave thee breath Walks by the side of death,
And naught that step appalls. — Landor.
New light new love, new love new life hath bred ;
A life that lives by love, and loves by light ; A love to Him to whom all loves are wed ;
A light to whom the sun is darkest night :
MONOSYLLABLES. 101
Eye's ligbt, heart's love, soul's only life, Ho e ;
Life, soul, love, heart, light, eyes, and all are His ;
He eye, light, heart, love, soul ; He all my joy and bliss. —
Fletcher's Purple [aland.
Bailey's Festus, that extraordinary poem the perusal of which makes the reader feel as if he had " eaten of the insane root that takes the reason prisoner/' abounds with examples : —
Night brings out stars as sorrow shows us truths :
Though many, yet they help not ; bright, they light not.
They are too late to serve us ; and sad things
Are aye too true. We never see the stars
Till we can see naught but them. So with truth.
And yet if one would look down a deep well,
Even at noon, we might see those same stars
Life's more than breath, and the quick round of blood— We live in deeds, not years ; in thoughts, not breaths — We should count time by heart-throbs. He most lives Who thinks most — feels the noblest — acts the best. Life's but a means unto an end —
Helen (sings.) Oh! love is like the rose,
And a month it may not see, Ere it withers where it grows — Rosalie !
I loved thee from afar ; Oh ! my heart was lift to thee Like a glass up to a star — Rosalie !
Thine eye was glassed in mine As the moon is in the sea, And its shine is on the brine — Rosalie !
The rose hath lost its red, And the star is in the sea, And the briny tear is shed- Rosalie!
Festus. What the stars are to tho night, my love^ What its pearls are to the sea, What the dew is to the day, my love, Thy beauty is to me.
We may say that the sun is dead, and gone Forever; and may swear he will rise no more ;
9*
102 MONOSYLLABLES.
The skies may put on mourning for their God, And earth heap ashes on her head ; but who Shall keep the sun back when he thinks to rise ? Where is the chain shall bind him ? Where the cell Shall hold him ? Hell he would burn down to embers, And would lift up the world with a lever of light Out of his way : yet, know ye, 'twere thrice less To do thrice this, than keep the soul from God.
Many of the most expressive sentences in the Bible are mono- syllabic. A few are subjoined, selected at random : —
And God said, Let there be light : and there was light. And God saw the light, that it was good. — Gen. I
At her feet he bowed, ho fell, he lay down : at her feet he bowed, he fell : where he bowed, there he fell down dead. — Judges V.
0 Lord my God, I cried unto thee, and thou hast healed me. 0 Lord, thou hast brought up my soul from the grave : thou hast kept me alive, that I should not go down to the pit. Sing unto the Lord, 0 ye sainU of his, and give thanks. — Psalm XXX.
And he said unto me, Son of man, can these bones live ? — Ezek. XXXVII.
Prove all things; hold fast that which is good. — 1 Thess. V.
For if we be dead with him, we shall also live with him. — 2 Tim. II.
For the great day of his wrath is c«me; and who shall be able to stand? — Rev. VI.
And the gates of it shall not be shut at all by day ; for there shall be no night there. — Rev. XXI.
THE POWER OP SHORT WORDS.
Think not that strength lies in the big round word,
Or that the brief and plain must needs be weak. To whom can this be true who once has heard
The cry for help, the tongue that all men speak, When want or woe or fear is in the throat,
So that each word gasped out is like a shriek Pressed from the sore heart, or a strange wild note,
Sung by some fay or fiend ? There is a strength Which dies if stretched too far or spun too fine,
Which has more height than breadth, more depth than length. Let but this force of thought and speech be mine,
And he that will may take the sleek fat phrase Which glows and burns not, though it gleam and shine —
Light, but no heat — a flash, but not a blaze !
THE BIBLE. 103
Nor is it mere strength that the short word boasts :
It serves of more than fight or storm to tell, The roar of waves that clash on rock-bound coasts,
The crash of tall trees when the wild winds swell, The roar of guns, the groans of men that die
On blood-stained fields. It has a voice as well For them that far off on their sick-beds lio;
For them that weep, for them that mourn the dead ; For them that laugh and dance and clap the hand ;
To joy's quick step, as well as grief's slow tread, The sweet, plain words we learnt at first keep time,
And though the theme bo sad, or gay, or grand, With each, with all, these may be made to chime,
In thought, or speech, or song, in prose or rhyme.
De. Alexander, Princeton Magatin*.
&i)e mm.
God's cabinet of revealed counsel 'tis, Where weal and woe are ordered so That every man may know which shall be his; Unless his own mistake false application make.
It is the index to eternity.
He cannot miss of endless bliss,
That takes this chart to steer by,
Nor can he be mistook, that speaketh by this book.
It is the book of God. What if I should
Say, God of books, let him that looks
Angry at that expression, as too bold,
His thoughts in silence smother, till he find such another.
ACCURACY OF THE BIBLE.
One of the most remarkable results of modern research is the confirmation of the accuracy of the historical books of the Old Testament. The ruins of Babylon and Nineveh shed a light on those books which no skepticism can invalidate. What surprises us most is their marvellous accuracy in minute details, which are now substantiated by recent discoveries. The fact seems to be that when writing was laboriously performed on
104 THE BIBLE
stone, men had an almost superstitious conscientiousness in making their records true, and had not learned the modern in- difference to truth which our facile modes of communicating thought have encouraged. A statement to be chiselled on rock must be correct; a statement which can be written in five minutes is likely to embody only first impressions, which may be amended in five minutes thereafter. Hence it comes to pass that we know more exactly many things which took place in the wars between Sennacherib and Hezekiah, than we know what is the precise truth with regard to some of the occur, rences in the battle of Bunker's Hill. Sir Henry Rawlinson, speaking of his researches in Babylon, states that the name and situation of every town of note in ancient Assyria, men- tioned in the Bible, can be substantiated by the ruins of that city. The visit of the Queen of Sbeba to Solomon is perfectly verified. The prosecution of the researches will be regarded with great interest as corroborating the truth of Scripture.
An astonishing feature of the word of God is, notwithstand- ing the time at which its compositions were written, and the multitude of the topics to which it alludes, there is not one physical error, — not one assertion or allusion disproved by the progress of modern science. None of those mistakes which the science of each succeeding age discovered in the books pre- ceding ; above all, none of tbose absurdities which modern astronomy indicates in such great numbers in the writings of the ancients, — in their sacred codes, in their philosophy, and even in the finest pages of the fathers of the Church, — not one of these errors is to be found in any of our sacred books. Nothing there will ever contradict that which, after so many ages, the investigations of the learned world have been able to reveal to us on the state of our globe, or on that of the heavens. Peruse with care the Scriptures from one end to the other, to find such blemishes, and, whilst you apply yourselves to this examina- tion, remember that it is a book which speaks of every thing, which describes nature, which recites its creation, which tells us of the water, of the atmosphere, of the mountains, of the
TIIE BIBLE. 1Q5
animals, and of the plants. It is a book which teaches us the first revolutions of the world, and which also foretells its last. It recounts them in the circumstantial language of history, it extols them in the sublimest strains of poetry, and it chants them in the charms of glowing soug. It is a book which is full of Oriental rapture, elevation, variety, and boldness. It is a book which speaks of the heavenly and invisible world, whilst it also speaks of the earth and things visible. It is a book which nearly fifty writers, of every degree of cultivation, of every state, of every condition, and living through the course of fifteen hundred years, have concurred to make. It is a book which was written in the centre of Asia, in the sands of Arabia, in the deserts of Judea, in the court of the Temple of the Jews, in the music-schools of the prophets of Bethel and Jericho, in the sumptuous palaces of Babylon, and on the idolatrous banks of Chebar; and finally, in the centre of Western civilization, in the midst of the Jews and of their ignorance, in the midst of polytheism and its sad philosophy. It is a book whose first writer had been forty years a pupil of the magicians of Egypt, in whose opinion the sun, the stars, and elements were en- dowed with intelligence, reacted on the elements, and governed the world by a perpetual illuvium. It is a book whose first writer preceded, by more than nine hundred years, the most ancient philosophers of ancient Greece and Asia, — the Thaleses, and the Pythagorases, the Zaleucuses, the Xenophons, and the Confuciuses. It is a book which carries its narrations even to the hierarchies of angels — even to the most distant epochs of the future, and the glorious scenes of the last day. Well : search among its fifty authors, search among its sixty-six books, its eleven hundred and eighty-nine chapters, and its thirty-one thousand one hundred and seventy-three verses; search for only one of those thousand errors which the ancients and moderns have committed in speaking of the heavens or of the earth — of their revolutions, of their elements ; search — but you will find none.
106 THE BIBLE.
THE TESTIMONY OF LEARNED MEN.
Sir William Jones' opinion of the Bible was written on the last leaf of one belonging to hiui, in these terms : — " I have regularly and attentively read these Holy Scriptures, and am of opinion that this volume, independently of its Divine ori- gin, contains more sublimity and beauty, more pure morality, more important history and finer strains of poetry and elo- quence, than can be collected from all other books, in whatever age or language they may have been composed."
Kousseau says, "This Divine Book, the only one which is indispensable to the Christian, need only be read with reflec- tion to inspire love for its author, and the most ardent desire to obey its precepts. Never did virtue speak so sweet a lan- guage; never was the most profound wisdom expressed with so much energy and simplicity. No one can arise from its perusal without feeling himself better than he was before."
Wilberforce, in his dying hour, said to a friend, "Read the Bible. Let no religious book take its place. Through all my perplexities and distresses, I never read any other book, and I never knew the want of any other. It has been my hourly study; and all my knowledge of the doctrines, and all my acquaintance with the experience and realities, of religion, have been derived from the Bible only. I think religious peo- ple do not read the Bible enough. Books about religion may be useful enough, but they will not do instead of the simple truth of the Bible."
Lord Bolingbroke declared that "the Gospel is, in all cases, one continued lesson of the strictest morality, of justice, of benevolence, and of universal charity."
Similar testimony has been accorded in the strongest terms by Locke, Newton, Boyle, Selden, Salmasius, Sir Wal- ter Scott, and numberless others.
Daniel Webster, having been commended for his eloquence on a memorable occasion, replied, "If any thing I have ever said or written deserves the feeblest encomiums of my fellow-
THE BIBLE. 107
countrymen, I have no hesitation in declaring that for their partiality I am indebted, solely indebted, to the daily and at- tentive perusal of the Holy Scriptures, the source of all true poetry and eloquence, as well as of all good and all comfort."
John Quincy Adams, in a letter to his son in 1811, says, " I have for many years made it a practice to read through the Bible once every year. My custom is to read four or five chap- ters every morning, immediately after rising from my bed. It employs about an hour of my time, and seems to me the most suitable manner of beginning the day. In whatsoever light we regard the Bible, whether with reference to revelation, to history, or to morality, it is an invaluable and inexhaustible mine of knowledge and virtue."
Addison says, in relation to the poetry of the Bible, "After perusing the Book of Psalms, let a judge of the beau- ties of poetry read a literal translation of Horace or Pindar, and he will find in these two last such an absurdity and con- fusion of style, with such a comparative poverty of imagination, as will make him sensible of the vast superiority of Scripture style."
Lord Bykon, in a letter to Mrs. Sheppard, said, in refer- ence to the truth of Christianity, " Indisputably, the firm believers in the Gospel have a great advantage over all others, for this simple reason : — that, if true, they will have their re- ward hereafter ; and if there be no hereafter, they can be but with the infidel in his eternal sleep, having had the assistance of an exalted hope through life, without subsequent disappoint- ment, since (at the worst, for them) out of nothing nothing can arise, — not even sorrow." The following lines of Walter Scott are said to have been copied in his Bible : —
"Within this awful volume lies
The mystery of mysteries.
Oh ! happiest they of human race,
To whom our God has given grace
To hear, to read, to fear, to pray,
To lift the latch, and force the way;
But better had they ne'er been born,
Who read to doubt, or read to scorn. — Monastery.
108 THE BIBLE.
ENGLISH BIBLE TRANSLATIONS.
Our version of the Bible is to be loved and prized for this, as for a thou- sand other things, — that it ha3 preserved a purity of meaning to many terms of natural objects. Without this holdfast, our vitiated imaginations would refino away language to mere abstractions. Hence the French have lost their poetical language; and Blanco White says the same thing has happened to the Spanish. — Coleridge.
Wickliffe's Bible. — This was the first translation made into the language. It was translated by John Wickliffe, about the year 1384, but never printed, though there are manuscript copies of it in several public libraries.
Tyndale's Bible. — The translation of William Tyndale, as- sisted by Miles Coverdale, was the first printed Bible in the English language. The New Testament was published in 1526. It was revised and republished in 1530. In 1532, Tyn- dale and his associates finished the whole Bible, except the Apocrypha, and printed it abroad.
Matthews' Bible. — While Tyndale was preparing a second edition of the Bible, he was taken up and burned for heresy in Flanders. On his death, Coverdale and John Rogers revised it, and added a translation of the Apocrypha. It was dedicated to Henry VIII., in 1537, and was printed at Hamburg, under the borrowed name of Thomas Matthews, whence it was called Matthews' Bible.
Cranmer's Bible. — This was the first Bible printed by author- ity in England, and publicly set up in the churches. It was Tyndale's version, revised by Coverdale, and examined by Cran- mer, who added a preface to it, whence it was called Cranmer's Bible. It was printed by Grafton, in large folio, in 1539. After being adopted, suppressed, and restored under successive reigns, a new edition was brought out in 1562.
The Geneva Bible. — In 1557, the whole Bible in quarto was printed at Geneva by Rowland Harte, some of the English refugees continuing in that city solely for that purpose. The
THE BIBLE [09
translators were Bishop Coverdalo, Anthony Gilby, William Whittingham, Christopher Woodman, Thomas Sampson, and Thomas Cole — to whom some add John Knox, John Bodleigh, and John Pullain, all zealous Calvinists, both in doctrine and discipline. But the chief and most learned of them were the first three. Of this translation there were about thirty editions, mostly printed by the King's and Queen's printers, from 1560 to 1616. In this version, the first distinction in verses was made. The following is a copy of the title-page of the edition of 1559, omitting two quotations from the Scrip- tures : —
THE BIBLE. THAT IS. THE HO- LY SCRIPTURES CONTEI- NED IN THE OLDE AND NEWE TESTAMENT. Translated According to the Ebrew and Greeke, and conferred with the best translations in divers languages. With most profitable Annotations vpon all the hard places, and other things of Great importance. IMPRINTED AT LONDON by the Deputies of Christopher Barker, Printer to the Queenes most excellent Maiestie, 1599. Cum priuilegio.
To some editions of the Geneva Bible, one of which is this of 1599, is subjoined Beza's translation of the new text into English by L. Tomson, who was under-secretary to Sir Francis Walsingham. But, though he pretends to translate from Beza, he has seldom varied a word from the Geneva translation. Dr. Geddes gives honorable testimony to the last Geneva version, as he does not hesitate to declare that he thinks it in general better than that of the King James translators. Our readers will hardly agree with him when they read some extracts from it appended in a succeeding paragraph.
10
110 THE BIBLE.
The typographical appearance of this work is quite a curi- osity. Like most of the old books, it is well printed, and is ornamented with the pen. The head and foot rules, as well as the division of the columns, are made with the pen in red ink. The title-page is quite profusely ornamented with red lines.
This translation of the Bible is known as " the breeches Bible," from the following rendering of Genesis iii. 7 : —
Then the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig tree leaves together, and made themselves breeches.
A peculiarity in this Bible is the substitution of the letter v for u, and, vice versa, u for v. The name of Eve is printed Heuah (Hevah); Cain is printed Kain; Abel, Habel; Enoch, Henock; Isaac, Ishak; Hebrew, Ebrew, &c. The translations of many of the passages differ materially from our received version. The following will serve as illustrations : —
Thus he cast out man ; and at the East side of the garden of Eden ne set the cherubims, and the blade of a sword shaken, to keep the way of the tree of life. — Genesis iii. 24.
Then it repented the Lorde that he had made man in the earth, and he was sorie in his heart. — Gen. vi. 6.
Make thee an Arkee of pine trees; thou shalt make cabins in the Arkee, and shalt pitch it within and without with pitch. Thou shalt make it with the lower, second and third roome. — Gen. vi. 14, 16.
And he said, Ilagar, Sarais maide, whence comest thou ? & whether wilt thou go ? and she said, I flee